The Dream Addiction

The dopamine high is one of the biggest traps I fall into. I start to work on my project. I come up with a good idea. Once I feel I am right on the verge of achieving my dreams my body floods with dopamine. I get the best high possible.
I got my fix. So instead of pressing on and achieving my objective I stay in the moment, relishing the feeling of satisfaction without really achieving anything until the high wears off then I go start working on my objective again but pulling up when I get another high. It is the dream addiction.

Rewire your brain

can you see the circles in this picture?

At first it is difficult. You might not even be able to do it. Then you might see them but they disappear quickly. But if you find them and keep looking at the picture your brain will more easily identify them and focus on them longer.

The same is true of focusing on your goal. It is there but difficult to identify. Or it might be fleeting.

After a while you get better at it and can stay focused.

Impenetrable wall

Doubt assails relentlessly. Brick by brick a wall of unshakable confidence is erected. That wall creates a foundation. That foundation sustains forward motion to achieve an objective. Doubt will always be present and rise against. For every inch ceded take two forward the next time. Achieving your objective is methodical not easy or instantaneous.

In Defense of Growing

Yesterday I asked the question am I just futilely spinning my wheels or am I on a journey of growth.
Today I posit that I am growing. In the late 2000’s and early 2010’s I was working on creating representation for unaffiliated religious people. By the time I had put as much effort as possible into it I had put together a compilation book and self-published it on Amazon. The book itself is not very good and I think I only officially sold one copy (maybe two) but the effort was there and I had something to show for it.
The same is true of thirtydayjobcleanse.com. I put the effort fort and felt like I was really close. Again perhaps the material was not good but it was a valiant effort that I believe was on the cusp of producing revenue from my marketing efforts. I just couldn’t quite pull it all together. In fact this blog is morphing into the actual Thirty Day Job Cleanse so I am not even sure it is dead yet.
Whatever the case I believe I am growing and becoming. I need to keep walking even when it seems like it will never end.

The narrative

Looking back on my posts I can see the narrative I am writing (living). How I choose to frame the situation, the observations I am making and how I interpret events.

Am I walking a path of a thousand miles or am I futilely going around in circles?

My pattern of behavior has been consistent for decades. I have been in lows before and and have hit many highs.

I am in a low right now.

And it feels like it will never end.

It is self pity but I wish my consistent pattern was a little more productive. Or stable. Or this low would end.

Purgatory

I am in purgatory. I left jobs that paid my bills because I didn’t want to accept discomfort. I decided I could make more doing something I enjoyed.

Now I deal with the discomfort working a job that doesn’t cover my expenses and no clear path to rectify the situation. In trying to have the best of both worlds I ended up with the worst.