I want to be (or perceived to be?) a unquestioned charismatic leader that inspires observers. I want to be perceived as a person that gives purpose to those that work with and for me.
My actions provide value to as many people as possible and make the world better.
I want to be attractive to everyone. I want to be monogamous. I want to be fulfilled by one relationship.
Why do I long for that? Is that a generally strived for male ideal? It feels like the top rung of accomplishment. The apex. 100 on a scale of one to ten and what I and everyone else agrees is best.
Then my personal cosmic score is tallied in early development (was it my teens? Even third/fourth grade? Striving for school “popularity”?)
In landed somewhere in the average. I was decent looking, had some good attributes and talent. A decent work ethic.
I set out in the world. Got some education. Dated a few girls. Got a job. Got married. Started trying to raise a family. I maybe wasn’t rich or powerful but I was a decent small time example of the ideal.
I had a good relationship. Had a good education. A respected place in society.
mikemeyer949 