I should probably get a divorce. We are separated. We haven’t been intimate in years.
I thought I was clever. I would stay married, have my girlfriend and sneak around and have hook ups.
Sneak around. I am so exhausted from sneaking. I made the promise to myself when I started writing this that I would not sneak around for sex or intimacy. If I am going to be intimate with someone it is because I have got to know them, am I. A committed relationship with them and sex and intimacy are a expression of love.
There are two barriers to that. One barrier is I am still married. I need to be honest and divorce my wife before I can be in a relationship with anyone.
The other barrier is I have given all my heart love and intimacy to the WIL. In the last year since I haven’t spoken to or seems the WIL I have talked with or been with four women to varying degrees. But there is no discovery. Everything from text messages to sex and benign conversations remind me what I lost and how much I miss her.
The WIL used to tell me that I ruined her. That she could never have sex or feel intimate with anyone else. I am a dog. I have had sex with other people. all it did was break my heart. She ruined me forever.
mikemeyer949 