1. I don’t know the date without looking at my device. I found it on my computer 01/24/2021
2. Since I am not constantly looking at my phone I am not as aware of the time. This has reduced my anxiety.
3. I have noticed I am less anxious because I have to come up with alternative ways to get information. This occupies my mind and reduces my anxiety.
4. Not using my device re-institutes a curiosity bridge. with my device I think of something, I go to my device and discover the answer. Without it I need to figure out how to get knowledge. What tools or resources are available to me? where can I access them? Now it usually means using my computer instead of my device but even that changes the equation
5. I am not sure the change is better. I approach things different. I can’t quantify the experience but since I am looking at things different I am distracted. If I am distracted from depression, anxiety and hopelessness then I will take it. I guess that is better.

Dumb phone, feature phone, simple phone.

Candy bar phone, flip phone.

I am not sure of my premise. I believe I will be happier. I fall into the thought process that the device is addictive. I am tempted to frame it is the antagonist. This isn’t about the device or power it holds over me. this is about maximizing my experience on earth. I believe I will be happier meeting certain human needs in more personal encounters.

On a walk this morning i saw someone wearing a sweatshirt for a college close to where I used to live. We talked for five minutes. I went for a walk and had a face to face (social distanced) conversation.

The device is not the problem. The device is quick and convenient for distraction. This is removing the quick and convenient. This opens up re-exploring other avenues for interaction and engagement. Some might be new, others might be things I have done in the past.

Writing these posts has become one of them.

More hypothesis/observations

I estimate I first got a smart phone in 2008?

I am not even sure

Examining preaching/chaplain/spiritual care.

I stopped preaching and being a chaplain in 2009.

Potential reasons: I lost my ability to concentrate. I couldn’t trust myself to preach without notes. I lost passion for discovery.

I blamed grief. My dad had died. When he died the obligation was gone.

I blamed experience. I had been preaching for over ten years. There was nothing new to discover, learn or share

I blamed aging. I was older. I believed my memory slipped

These things might be true. I am investigating a new angle

The device is useful for GPS. I used to read magazines and newspapers. I had them at hand for knowledge and distraction

I use my device as a watch/timepiece

This is not a comment on society. This is research on my life experience. I hypothesize I will be happier. I am doing this because I truly believe changing my relationship with this electronic device will make me enjoy life more

Specifically I hypothesize it will make me more engaged in relationships with family and friends and more engaged in the work I do to earn money. More engaged in life

The device is useful to listen to music. It is useful to take pictures. And videos

I am a lonely man who truly only has a relationship with an electronic device

I propose an experiment. I am going to utilize my computer to check email and catch up on news/current events. I can use my television.

I will use my computer to pay bills. If I want to look at pornography I will do it on my computer.

When I need to talk to someone I will use my device. I can also text with my device. I can use it to write posts.

I hypothesize my memory will improve, my communication will improve, I will feel better about myself and others will note that I have changed and seem happier. I also hypothesize I will perform better at work.

This is a crazy radical theory. looking at things that have changed. I always zero in on relationship status, the end of a jobs, deaths of those close to me, becoming a parent. One other thing that changed at the same time was getting a smartphone. Is it possible to even function in society without a smart phone? I am an introvert. A smartphone is dangerous. I don’t get out of my comfort zone. I “connect” with people anonymously. Is that really a relationship or am I just extracting superficial attributes while avoiding the parts that require work?

Every decision is an emotional decision made in the moment. I do not have a grand logically created map I consult on every decision. Often my emotions change from daily. About work, life, relationships.

My communication with women, co workers and bosses also extends to family and friends. I am just not a good communicator. I do not reach out unless someone initiates the conversation.

Every day feels more like I am leaving. That I have to leave. Last night I dreamed about shedding the last nine years like a snake sheds it’s outside skin. This life is an empty husk that will be left behind

The only way to get over a relationship is to invest in a new one. I need to invest in a new relationship. Carrying a torch for a married woman no matter the circumstances is ridiculous. She is fine. I need to move on

For over a decade I gave all I am to the WIL and our relationship. She has not talked to me for a year. When her husband found out about us I was ready to drop everything and marry her. Instead she has vanished. I have to accept reality and move on. I have been dumped. For whatever reason, legitimate or not. She didn’t even try to reach me once.

I need to be reborn and move one. I am consciously putting together a soundtrack that isn’t about lost love or reminds me of the WIL

“You know I tried to be a hero but I was lying to myself, I walk alone…”

Hero, weezer