Neuro

Last night I had a couple drinks and started thinking about the WIL. I was sad and wanted to reach out to her. I didn’t and wouldn’t.

I went to bed. A couple hours later I woke up to go to the bathroom and had a mindset almost implanted in my brain. Ther is a new neuro pathway that was built. Almost like a new feeeway. It is empty. But I see it as a road to happiness in a relationship with someone else. The pathway is not built by actual neurons firing. There are no feelings from someone else. But this road is built. Even in just theory.

I am going to park on it. Even if there is no traffic. I would rather sit on a new possibility than keep banging my head

I have made a decision to limit device use. That means limiting scrolling job boards. Hook up sites. Porn. I can’t say I feel better. I will know more when I get to Phoenix. When I start a new job. I just stayed in superficial surface relationships. With jobs. With people. The hypothesis is by not accessing places to indulge superficial connections I will be forced to appreciate scarcity. I will commit deeper to those I do have relationship with. I will cherish a stable job. A friendship. A genuine new connection.