The wife said she is not going to go to Phoenix. At least not for now. Her friend is going to stay with her. She doesn’t need support from me.
Probably for the best. We are not together any more. I need to find my way. I am a little jealous. She can stay in Dana Point. This was the city I chose. She always resented it. Probably just resented me.
Utah was the challenge of being the chaplain. I set a goal. Be the chaplain for five years. When the five years were up utah didn’t feel alive any more.
California was defined by losing the job that brought me out here. Holding on. The plan was to hold on until my daughter graduated. I didn’t make it. I have to say I don’t care. I love my daughter. But it was a shitty goal. I was never really happy. Now the moment of truth. I am leaving. Can I find a new goal in a new place? Or am I spiraling out of control?
I just can’t find happiness any more. I am overwhelmed. I used to find islands of happiness. There were islands of sadness too. But there were always things to enjoy, appreciate look forward to. I am having a hard time finding them now.
I am scared. I feel physically sick. Disappointed. Hopeless. I need to find my purpose again. Share my peace.
mikemeyer949 