Choices

If I was making conscious choices I would not be broke and moving away from my daughter.

If I am powerless I am weak and doomed

My life is a mess. Am I responsible? Or ami doing the best I can and failing?

I spoke with my daughter on video this evening. It was good to see her. I worry I am just the dad moving away. How did I get here? Why can’t I stay at a job? Be a good employee? A good father? A good husband?

I don’t have a girlfriend. I am practicing abstinence. Yet I feel like a selfish prick. Only worried about my needs.

I valued stable employment. I worked hard. But I am unemployed.

Staying in my home was priority number one. now I am moving. Out of my home. Out of my city. Out of my state.

Fuck.

“Where are the bootstraps to lift myself up? Where is the well where I once filled my cup? Where does my sorrow all turn into joy? Where oh where is my sleepy eyed boy?” John Prine