Mirror

Not sure where I am going with this but wanted to get it down.

I walked by the mirror and noticed the skin on my neck is getting creppy (is that a word?) I then instantly thought “that another reason I was rejected by the WIL.”A little bath bomb of sadness went off in my head and washed over my insides. It was a stupid little off hand observation but it dropped depression on me.

Her loving me validated me. I don’t know if her rejecting me invalidated me or if I just don’t have that empowering assurance any more.

I am so tired of having to reconcile and honor the past. Make room for my feelings and experiences in utah. I am like a guy watching a football game and can’t stop saying how it was better ten years ago. Fuck. Let it go. Holding on proves nothing. I gain nothing. I am a prisoner to something that exists only in my mind. And I feel like shot because I even had to bother writing this post…all because I noticed I have old man neck