Update

1:50pm Saturday, sitting in my truck outside my house

Had a good day. Went for a walk with my daughter and her dog. Transferred posts over to word. Stated to do some editing. My daughter came out and said she wanted to go for a drive. She never asked to do that. Or hasn’t in a long time. I said sure. Where did you want to go? She said she just wants to drive around and listen to music. It was so fun I have tears of happiness thinking about it. Just her and I and the dog. Driving around listening to music together. No tension. No worry. No thinking about life and trying to solve anxiety. We grabbed lunch, ate then I went to move a big non from the garage/basement over to the wife’s apartment. It was all her moments. Then she came back with me and we went through everything stored downstairs and decided what to keep or throw away. My daughter came down and asks if her friend visiting her grandmother from out of town could come over. She hasn’t had friends over in a long time. So they okayed upstairs while we cleaned and talked to a neighbor. This is the most normal/human I have felt in a year since the WIL blow up and pandemic lockdown.

I have to take more risks with lockdown. I don’t mean to be flippant. I am not raging anti mask. But I am a little more open to calculates risk going to a store if I keep social distance. Or letting my daughter have one friend over.

The move is starting to feel very cathartic. Getting rid of all the junk accumulated downstairs allowed me to see the positive side of leaving. I have enjoyed Orange County but I have had my share. Time to bless and release. Try something. New somewhere less and let other people enjoy. Holding on doesn’t do me any good.