Music

7:15pm on couch, listening to music fans point Sunday

Got on top of energy, flowing through me. just barely. Now I picture the energy as passing through me or backing up. The steam is fast. If the funnel is not properly placed it spills inside me. And it is toxic. Poisonous. Finding the way to keep the energy flowing. Writing, listening to music, meditating, daydreaming, being distracted. Ways to back it up? Fuck. Infinite. Instantaneous.

My mom is in her room. My daughter is in her room. The dog is on the couch with me. I still can’t believe it is the last weekend here. I have lived on this street 9 years. In this house over 5. The house drives me to the brink of madness. I need to leave. but I am still pissed I am taking the L. I am sick of feeling like a loser.

Listened to moonlight mile by the stones tonight. I listened to that 30 years ago. driving through Weber canyon back to Evanston l. at night after visiting my high school friends. Christmas break. I was heartbreakingly homesick. on my first break back from college in Nebraska. Tears pouring out of my eyes.

Then Tiffany’s I think we’re alone now came up. I bought my best bass guitar at the Ogden city mall. Ogden. The WIL. I went down to Ogden often growing up. Go shopping at the malls. The WIL and I would talk about how we probably passed each other or were close when we were younger.

I feel really dumb looking at all these posts I write for a married woman who hasn’t talked to me for a year. I know I am pathetic. Just being honest, sharing my feelings.

Interesting side note; I was pining for myhigh school girlfriend who two timed me my first semester of college. on the moonlight mile 30 years ago. At least she was nice enough to dump the guy she two timed me with while I was home so we could make out in my basement the two weeks I was back. Then I left. We parted, she went back to the guy. That was a sweet solid to do for a homesick guy. Thank you. Nothing ever changes…