Dad

8:12am watching movie with dog and daughter

I wanted to be super dad. Provide for my family. But a big house. Be stable, financially secure.

The truth is I have struggled as a dad. As a husband. Being a part of any group is awkward for me. Even a family. That is weird to say.

Going to Phoenix alone. Being in the apartment alone. nothing to focus on but the job. Wake up. Exercise. Go to work. Come home. Eat. Go to bed. Repeat. I need to be simple. Not worry or try to be anything else. If I can establish a strong base at work I can establish a strong base as a father.

There are a lot of parallel processes. One the job as a chaplain went bad just as my daughter was born. I never knew what it was like to be stable. I never had the energy to focus on a job. Going to utah to be the chaplain I went alone. It was just me and my dog from may until September when my wife came out.

Remember when that seemed hard? Thinking something was hard before being a parent makes me chuckle.

I am still bummed I failed the last nine years. but now I can possibly see where I failed. Phoenix is about the job. I need to be dialed in and make it a oriority. That is best for me and everyone. We can grow from there