Why?

Why do I still feel so scattered? I get that I was fucked up in January. I had too much time to think and didn’t have a job. Why am I not excited about a new city? Job? Life? If I don’t want to be here I get to try something different. if I am honest I am scared about failure. The track record proves it. It isn’t necessarily rewarding work. I believe I can be competent but agin-track record…

I need to get out of this house. That is good. I just feel empty. Like I severely wounded animal instinctively crawling to a cave to die. I have cycled into frustrating depression again. I really hope this is just because I keep cycling on existential questions out of boredom. That having a job and those stressors will occupy my mind and keep me a little sane