Crisis

I don’t think I fully appreciate the magnitude of the situation I am in. I need to be nicer to myself.

I lost the relationship I cherished more than any besides my daughter February 17. Her husband hates me. I broke my wife’s heart again. The woman I love just disappeared from my life. The lockdown took away pretty much any enjoyment of life. My wife daughter and dog moved out the same day I ended a job I had been at little over a year September 25. I started a new job with significantly increased responsibility October 5. My mom had a major accident October 30. She was re hospitalized November 4. I drove out to see her in wyoming/utah. She came to live with me in November 16. That is just 2020.

Then the real fun began.

I go to work the first business day of January (January 4) and hr is waiting for me with a layoff notice. I had been at the job three months. I was the fucking director. I have no money. I wasn’t making ends meet. I took out $12,000 in unsecured debt December 30. That was going to get me by with a paycheck. I got a small severance and negotiated a portion of a bonus. In four weeks I got a job. It is out of state. The last theee weeks have been preparing to move and get ready to start a new job. While my mom is doing her rehabilitation. I have to be six hours from my daughter. I am overwhelmed trying to get out of my home for the last five years. The city I have lived in for nine years. Secure a new place and be a good employee. All while I have the worst job record and have failed repeatedly to hold employment. No wonder I am breaking down. And I am better than I was in January.