Walk

5:59am On the walk this morning I started to look more objectively at the situation. The more perspective I can get the more I can deal with it. I had a dream last night I wrecked a Porsche on a busy freeway.

I realize how intethered from reality I have been for the last three years. I knew things weeent not working in Southern California in 2017. I had worked five jobs in five years as a sales leader. I decided if I was going to stay I needed to do things different. I cleared the deck. Decided to start my own business. Clean slate. Sky is the limit. I looked into buying and renting real estate. Then going back to work. Finally being a career/success coach. The only jobs I could get failed to pay the bills. I kept spending retirement and savings. I could see I was coming up short every month!. That the coaching was not going to be lucrative. The last job I had before the layoff almost my entire paycheck went to rent. But I had job hopped so many times I didn’t want to leave. All last year I knew I was running out of money and he’ll bent on staying at a job that didn’t cover expenses. But I kept plugging away expecting a miracle. In a way it happened. The operations job provided some relief (though on retrospect I still wasn’t covering my expenses) when that Jon ended everything came crashing down. But it was a collapse that was years in the making. It just finally became untenable.

AriOna is a chance to be normal. To be on a budget. I always stayed on my budget until theee years ago. I was methodical and practical. Now I can get to a more consistent place.

I can see the circumstances led me to almost having a mental breakdown. On the flip side are the memories and reasons I held on so tight. It had to be earthquake force mental destruction to get me dislodged from Southern California. I will miss what I love but the time has come to leave