2:23am has a dream I visited my dad. He was saying how much he liked Dana Point. How he wanted to come visit. I told him I was moving to Phoenix. He lived just above a family that was releasing a bunch of ceremonial balloons. I looked and aaw it was the WIL ‘s family. She was easing a fashionable tan outfit. She looked beautiful. Laughing smiling. Holding a small child.
I feel very weird. Like I have been exiled from Dana point. the aversion is so strong internally and externally. it is like the magnet has been turned m. The poles reversed. I want to feel nostalgia, longing. But the pain of the last few months have burned me. Usually when I see it say though words it is trying to be strong against emotions of the opposite. But this is truly a barrier. My wife and daughter are still there but I feel forced out. And Phoenix will be hot. I went for a walk today. There was a breeze. It was in the low 70’s temperature wise. And the sun was very warm. I kept thinking “if this is what 70 with a breeze feels like, what will it be like when it is 40-50 degrees hotter?”
I had a good night last night. Listening to music, dancing around in the mirror. Excited about finishing this first group of posts, book. Starting work. Meeting new people. Now I am coming down a little. I keep thinking this is my third night here. But it is only my second. This blow up bed is not comfortable. And I am using old pillows from storage.
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