7pm laying in bed. Long day at work. Good and productive. But I am tired. Landlady wants to show the apartment Saturday. I asked her to do it Sunday or Friday. Saturday is the only day I have to pack and be with my daughter.
When I first moved to California I was drawn to the transient energy. No matter how long you lived there or who your family was you could be easily replaced. After living in utah that spirit was invigorating. I utah it was about how long you lived there and what religion you were. I remember one story a friend told my wife. The concept was so strong it left a mark on me through third and fourth party telling. I don’t remember the context but it was a discussion about alternative lifestyles and one girl told another “that is how utah is. If you don’t like it leave.” That like it or leave it arrogance. The it isn’t for you it is for us mentality. California was the opposite. No one had roots or precedent. But nine years in the energy staled. The tide shifted. Where I once appreciated the flippancy I now feel burned. I wanted to stay but California said I didn’t measure up. I think about the Beyoncé song. “I could have another you in a minute…” coming to Phoenix I have been appreciated. The site was scarred. Broken. So was I. They couldn’t find a leader to heal. I was a leader who could find his charge. I was willing to travel 400 miles into the desert. My skill, my decision is appreciated. In my last job I gave all my energy and did good. And was flicked away with no thought. Here I am strong. Valued. Phoenix might be triple A but I would rather kick ass everyday and enjoy life in triple A than be unappreciated and disrespected. I am where I was meant to be.
My mom made it to wyoming. She is depressed. Wyoming has that effect. She so enjoyed Dana point. I feel like a bad son for basically failing to keep the house she was recuperating in. I feel like an awful dad because the only thing that mattered was getting my daughter through school in one place. And me being there for her. I had to leave and move 6 hours away. I know I had to. I didn’t have a choice. But the circumstance carries a heavy burden. I can only creates space. Open my doors and invite them in. I think once I establish a home they will appreciate it as much as I fi. In the long run it will be great. Short run? Kinda sucks
mikemeyer949 