6:11am got up a little early. I was caught in the rain on my morning walk. Went and worked out. Rode the recumbent bike a little, watched sports news. Did pull ups and stretched my back and abs. Biceps and shoulders. On the walk I pondered the question, “What if I changed my narrative completely?” not the facts, not make up something new but change every aspect of how I view my past?
I started with high school. In my old narrative I lamented how I never felt satisfied. That I felt I did not belong. I could not find my place. The new narrative is “Things always came easy to me. I excelled at everything I tried. I was a natural in sports, could get good grades with little effort. I played music in a rock band and the jazz choir. I was popular, had friends and a cute girlfriend.” That second narrative is completely true. But I for some reason always clung to the debilitating first narrative. The old narrative about college and seminary was I spent my time lost and homesick. That I daydreamed about playing music but never actually tried. That I went to seminary to avoid having to get a job because I was still a scared kid. The new narrative is I went to college and played my guitar all the time. I played folk music, ballads, and slowed down favorite rock songs to give them a soulful tinge. I was a seeker. I took religious classes and examined the meaning of life. I went to seminary to study sacred scriptures, examine spiritual life and dedicate my life to helping others. I returned to Wyoming and my first calling out of seminary was to serve at the Wyoming State Hospital. For four years I provided spiritual care and guidance to those individuals dealing with mental and psychological issues. When I was 30 I took a sabbatical to southern California. For eight months I wrote devotionals about solitude and monastic life. My next calling was to Utah. For 7 years I worked as a hospice Chaplain providing spiritual care and counseling to patients and families dealing with death.
I love my new narrative. I love myself in it. The interesting thing on the walk was I hit a wall when I started to write the narrative about my life now. and my life for the past 12 years. When I thought of my first 37 years my energy flowed. How I perceive high school, college, seminary. My first two callings, my sabbatical. But I have had such an unfulfilling and negative narrative since then. It is disjointed. I am not passionate about it. Yet I am the author. I am the main character. I get to write the story! I get to enjoy the story. I get to love the main character. That is what I am working on now.
mikemeyer949 