Narrative

7am in Dana point, finishing last of loose packing. On the walk this morning I was thinking about my personal narrative. Especially the Dana point years. The first five and half have perspective and a clean line of ending. June 13, 2017. I did the job tried the career and put it in the past. It is the more recent past. The last almost four years I don’t know what to do with. The undercurrent was I wanted to take the next step, make more money, have more control. The reality was I studied real estate, for my license but never activated it. I looked into insurance and financial products. I sold business consulting in straight commission. I got a job selling healthcare learning management. Then back office skilled. That is the seeker part. I actually don’t mind that. I am not sure what to do with the last two jobs.

The first one in some ways continues the odd sales jobs. It was below my skill level and pay grade. It was front line sales. But it was different in that I had access to company stock, a 401k, a company car. And it was hospice. It opened doors back up for me. Not sure how to frame that. The last job is even harder. On the walk I called it the “murder hornet” of my story. In 2020 with the pandemic and shelter in place there was news of a murder hornet infestation. Many jokes that it was too many bad things happening in one year. that god, or whatever cosmic director is overseeing the plot, should remove the murder hornets from the script. It was just too hard to find a cogent place for them.

I will work on it. It doesn’t stress me out to think about.

The other interesting narrative is Arizona. I am looking at it like a prison sentence. I know that sounds not good but by actually feeling I have no choice. That I am “locked up” it relieves me of the stress of scheming to grow or worrying about how I am perceived. It covers me both ways. It is the same energy as the lease. Signing the lease locked me in where I feel I can’t leave and they can’t get rid of me.