6:42am need a recap. I don’t think I can be completely free and honest with myself or anyone else for that matter until I truly let go of the WIL. I still desperately miss her. As long as I have hope or expectations I can’t be honest about love and relationships. Work I can be honest. but women, love sex, I am still guarded. I haven’t made amends. Found closure. Or given closure.
Going through the posts from last month makes me realize I chronicled my nervous breakdown. In just a matter of weeks I don’t recognize the guy I was in January. That is good
There is the counseling notice for employees in the copy room. It is free to call in times of crises. I never called it. But I need to talk to someone. Even if it is just so I know what it is like if I am in a similar situation.
Recap. Things I can’t be honest about. How long I loved the WIL. Our children. There. I said it. I am guarded because it is not only my secrets. It is not just my story to tell. It is our story. Her story. But we haven’t talked. I assume since she hasn’t reached out what she needs from me is to stay away. I am not hiding from her. From her husband. From responsibility. Actually I wish it would air out. If just to see her again. To know about the boys and how they are doing. There. That is honesty
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