At work

9:33am at work. Slept in this morning. I was exhausted. Good to have a couple hours extra rest. Thinking about living in the moment. That there is no better future. I still feel traumatized by the last job. I try to block it out but dread sits just below the surface. I have lost my innocence. I miss not worrying about getting fired, laid off or talked to. I guess I always had that at jobs but it only came up like around performance review time. And usually it was unfounded. Now I feel the hammer could fall any moment. This past weekend was good. Enjoyed Saturday with my daughter and even my wife. Sunday they planned to go to lunch wit LH friends. They left the dog at the house. Which was interesting because it brought up issues I hadn’t thought about. How I was always the one left behind. With no social outlet. Just hanging out with the dog. It made me glad I was leaving. Those moments made me feel empty and wasting away