Time

Sex and drinking. Anticipating and aftermath took up enormous bandwidth. When I was younger I craved freeing up time devoted to vices. Time meant opportunity to achieve more. Apparently that is true. I do have more energy for work. I can focus more. But like this coming weekend I anticipate anxiety. Not sex. I threw away my boner pills and deleted all hook up apps/profiles. But I might drink. I wish I could have a couple drinks while I did something rather than drinking as an activity. Drinking while doing something is having one or two drinks. Having a buzz of mellowness while being busy. Drinking as an activity is drinking 4 to 9 drinks. Sitting watching videos. Crying over memories and losses or singing in the mirror then passing out and feeling lethargic for 24 to 48 hours.

My big plan is to watch golf and drink rum and cola. But really. That activity will last four hours top. Then it is preparing to mitigate hangover symptoms, passing out for a about four hours. Fitful tossing in bed for four hours. Getting up. If I am lucky I don’t have a crushing headache or wrenching heaves. I just feel internally exhausted, waste a day being unproductive day then go back to bed