Whatever I became at fifteen is what I am now. I am not smarter. I am not More enlightened. I just have seen more outcomes. The final reward is always the same. To achieve something then look back and marvel at what I have done.
How I look at the world stays the same. Last night I had a dream. I don’t recall the substance but my feelings changed. I didn’t knot up my insides like usual. I didn’t start thinking familiar thoughts to get familiar neural pathways. I was different. Those familiar pathways good or bad form my world view. to step outside them was freeing. Also scary. Having a set understanding of the world catalogs everything. Without the familiarity I am an adolescent again. With them I am tired and frustrated.
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