I don’t miss utah. Or even the WIL. I don’t miss being a chaplain. I feel sadness because I never transcended.
All the time I was the chaplain I believed a great reward was coming. I believed fives years after I started I would find pure bliss. I counted the days in yearly journals.
Though I was in my thirties the belief was childlike. I convinced myself a magical life would be obtained. Inevitably I failed. When nothing happened, when life didn’t burst into uninterrupted joy, I was lost. I resorted to honoring the next best thing. the time leading up to the moment of failure.
Now I am a prisoner. I pay debt to a memory. I am trapped feeling I can never be so high again. I pine for a job I outgrew. I miss a place I no longer live. I love a woman who has moved on.
mikemeyer949 