I can’t love again. Like a broken wire the energy won’t flow. If I think about intimacy with anyone other than the WIL my heart recoils. In those moments all I see are memories of us together. I don’t have the circuitry to connect with another woman. Trying hurts me. And would disappoint the other person.
On good days I interpret that as a testament to the love we share. We are still simpatico. She loves me as much as I love her. She misses me. She thinks about me as often as I think about her. She holds a hope we will be together again. On those days I have high resolve. I will wait for eternity to be with her.
When it is a bad day I am in despair. I feel abandoned. She is happy without me. she doesn’t think about me. Those days are torture. I am clinging to the past. She breezed forward to a future without encumbrance.
Often I vacillate between the good and bad throughout the day. I am left to guess what she is feeling. Silence kills me.
mikemeyer949 