Audience

I am still contemplating the idea of being known, having an audience. Every relationship I have is for myself. To entertain me. I am the only audience I consider. Interactions with other people are trinkets I take back to my isolated cave. I relive them. I cherish or resent them. I endure them. They are scenes that get reviewed when I have time.

I am home, getting ready for work. I am enjoying my thoughts about life. I look at the clock. I have to shower. I brace myself. I will be at work for ten hours. The feeling is like going to the gym to do intense cardio. I need to do it, I want to do it. It will be exhausting. But the payoff will be valuable. With work the payoff is money, interactions, getting to be a leader, identity. With cardio it is feeling and looking better