Audience

9:28am palm desert, Saturday morning. I am thinking about my “audience.” In the past I spent energy performing for people that didn’t exist. I create an audience in my head. I talked to them. I acted for them. I existed for them. things starts Changing at the first of the year. This blog was born out of a need to step outside that. The blog is public. It is able to be viewed by anybody. I started it because I wanted to be known. But there is no true audience. I don’t share this blog. I don’t promote it. I don’t even edit, filter or proofread it. I just put it out there. Half public, mostly hidden. Moving to Arizona, taking this job created another change. now I am the boss. When I go to work I interact with people. I am engaged with a true “audience.” for a long time I still cling to my imaginary one. As a result I was exhausted. Having two audiences was not productive. I didn’t know who I was trying to please. Who I was performing for. Earlier this week I made the most subtle observation. Slight change in mindset. I am not performing for my imaginary audience. I only perform when I am interacting with people. This has given me more energy. More focus. Improves my actual interactions.