Month: June 2021

Wednesday night

7:50pm back at the pool area. Long day at work. Glad it is over. More glad the anticipation of tomorrow is over. June is finished. The company sale closes at midnight tonight. Probably eastern or central time so before midnight here. The pool is crazy busy. We walked in and it was empty then a family with like 12 kids showed up. The girls are having fun so it doesn’t matter. I have a spot I can just sit and look at my phone. There is a tv here. The game was on the night before last. But the tv isn’t on and there is no way to get the game. Probably best. I can relax if I am not watching sports

Why?

9:17am do I write these posts to share what normally would stay hidden in my mind? Do I write them for others to possibly discover? Do I want family, friends, the WIL to discover it? Maybe after I die? Do I write them so I can see where I have been, what I was thinking? I just write them.

Carolyn Tanner Irish

https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2021/06/29/first-woman-lead-utahs/

I met Carolyn Tanner Irish shortly after she was installed as Bishop of Utah Episcopal Diocese. I was doing a unit of Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) at St. Mark’s Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah. I have been thinking about that time a lot lately. CPE was 25 years ago this year. And St. Mark’s is owned by the company I will be an employee of starting tomorrow.

Morning

5:45am the weather was slightly cooler this morning. Nicer than the previous two days. I remembered to bring water for the dog. The sidewalk is still hot even at 4:30am. I thought about the WIL this morning. And family trips we took when my daughter was in elementary school. I remember how summer used to feel when I was 11/12 years older. What life felt like. The world was filled with possibility. Every experience became a part of the foundation that would shape my life perspective. As I got older I still felt the joy of accumulating moments to remember. Especially the time in Utah, as the chaplain, with the woman I love. I haven’t felt much lately. I glide through life mostly numb. Age, pandemic, lockdown, disappointment have worn me down. I am not complaining. I am still alive living life.

Talent wins

9:04am at work. My phone was in the bedroom this morning while my wife was sleeping so I couldn’t do my usual early check in. Thought for today. Like being a football coach at the ends of the day talent wins. In hospice having talented nurse case managers grows census. Amazing how much easier this job is when you have a talented team

Change

7:02pm I know many people that changed because of the pandemic, lockdown. They don’t see the point of working long hours, going to the office. I am the opposite. I used to value making my own schedule. My freedom at work. My alone time when I wasn’t working. A year ago I couldn’t envision spending ten hours a day in an office. Now I like it. I changed but in true me fashion I changed the opposite of everyone else.

Mental gymnastics

8:49am I do mental gymnastics when work isn’t going well. I have to do an honest assessment of my performance. I have to compare it to previous experiences. I have to get better while protecting my ego. I am the only me I have. I have to make alternate plans if the situation ends. I have to turn it around. I have to identify and overcome barriers. The assessing, fixing and protecting are exhaustive.