Month: June 2021

Overdrive lost

9:17am Wednesday at work. For the last week i have lacked energy. I don’t feel sick. Just that extra gear is missing. I don’t have overdrive. I have mixed feelings about that. On one hand I miss the energy. On the other I am happy to quit obsessing. I need to do my job without burning out

nine year mess

6:01am the last nine years have been a mess. I don’t feel like trying to categorize them. They are lost years. I am not sure what I accomplished. I don’t know what I was trying to achieve. I assumed I would find success. whatever that vague term means. I picked a line to ski down the mountain. Maybe when i look back it will all make sense. i am still on a journey.

Tuesday Morning

5:37am I did not have a lot to say yesterday. I was still feeling run down. I sent an email to a wrong person causing embarrassment. I missed my exit coming home. I was not attentive. Today feels better. Operations review this afternoon. A couple of other meetings. I am not as confident. Friday drained me. Yesterday wasn’t better. I believe it is good. I need to find a pace I can sustain. Not be overly high or low.

Future

9:10am I am excited for the future. I never got to be happy as a father. Before my daughter was born I began grieving the loss of the chaplain, time with the WIL. When my daughter was a year old our marriage was wounded. All my happy memories were before my daughter was born. We haven’t had the “good” time of her life yet. There are good memories but not an overall good time. My wife and I have struggled. This morning I found hope. Hope that the time off happiness as a parent is in the offing. Just as the time of happiness before I was a parent eventually came as the chaplain in utah. I am ready to embrace happiness. Love. Family.

Nouwen quote preaching

6:20am Sunday “…preaching means more than handing over a tradition; it is rather the careful and sensitive articulation of what is happening in the community so that those who listen can say: “You say what I suspected, you express what I vaguely felt, you bring to the fore what I fearfully kept in the back of my mind. Yes, yes- you say who we are, you recognize our condition…””

Henri J. M. Nouwen, the wounded healer, pg 39