New perspectives

5:42am Friday. There are many ways I looked at life events the past 14 years that have been negative. I could not appreciate what I had because I grieved other things that I had lost. Moving to Arizona has changed my perspective. I am more focused on work. I have an identity as a boss, leader, captain. I have a healthier understanding of relationships. I appreciate being a parent. I am in a happy place. I am blessed. I am thankful for personal growth. I am thankful for the release of emotional frustration.

Night

8:30pm feels so late but not really. I have been going to bed later. Nothing to add. Just checking in

thursday morning

6:10am This morning feels like a Friday. In a good mood. looking forward to going to work. being a leader. The captain.

Wednesday night

7:29pm a referral came in late afternoon. Pt at hospital. Intake left a message for family. Expectation to admit tomorrow. I could have left it at that. But I am aware of my audience. My time on stage. Hospice is it. I went to the hospital. Met with the patient. Family was gone. Talked to the nurse. It wasn’t time consuming. I made the right choice. It disrupted my routine but I am better for it.

Energy shift

8:53am my energy has shifted. I have shed “sales” mindset. The desperate frustration. I am an expert in hospice. I solve issues, help people

Beauty

There is so much beauty in what I was, what I am, what I could be. The joy overflows and becomes anxiety, disappointment, depression. I stop the energy from overflowing and becoming negative

overthink

6:12am my anxiety comes from overthinking. Wanting to hold the past, conquer the future, win every challenge. I take my energy down. I don’t think about everything all at once. I am at peace.

Night check in

8:05pm a lot of thoughts in my head. Concentrate on letting go. Blank space. Release. Relief

The WIL

9:47am I had a dream about the WIL last night. I am haunted by memories. The losses in life can be devastating.

“Don’t say it’s over, cause that’s the worse news I could here..” Avett Brothers, if its the beaches

Nouwen quote relief from anxiety

“No authority, no institution, no outer concrete reality has the power to relieve them of their anxiety and loneliness and make them free.” The Wounded Healer, pg 28

Life is just shuffling a deck of cards. No matter the material changes the fundamental structure remains the same.