8:53am at work. Spiraling down. I feel like a coach of a professional sports team that has a losing season. On one hand I am the leader. I have respect. Money. Title. But the results are poor. The experience is unpleasant. All my talk in the first three months. My attitude. My effort. They are meaningless. The results have not been fruitful

Looks like I don’t have to move the site. I am letting thirtydayjobcleanse expire though. I noticed the tagline on this blog “in pursuit of a healthier, more fulfilling purpose” I was always in pursuit. Therefore I did not obtain. I am changing it to “true voice” right now

This blog is under the thirtydayjobcleanse account. I am going to let it expire. I will move to a different platform. I had other blogs the past. I don’t remember where. I will have to find a different place. My mind was coming up with ways of thinking that were leading me to negative places. Then I came here and I won’t type it. This blog works for me in giving me a better voice. I check myself using this blog. a blog.

Now I am having second thoughts. Moving from this platform is hard. I have become Mikemeyer949. Not to be known or to be famous. But the alternative to my running thoughts in my head. I want to tumble down into frustration every second. This blog lifts me up. Centers my mind.

7:48pm in bed. Not much to say but wanted to check in. I have thoughts but they seem redundant. I feel sharing them doesn’t solve anything. I don’t believe that. I am disciplined. I will never forget that

When I was living in California prior to moving to utah I started to write a journal called scared monk. I continued it well into my first year of living in utah. That was many years and many computers ago. I wonder if I have that material? I want to read my thoughts from back then

5:37am Thursday. I am thinking about the past. memories come to mind. Utah. Always remember the time in Utah. I am where I am supposed to be. I am happy. I look forward to this weekend. Spending time with my daughter and wife. But when my mind goes searching for contentment it always goes back to Utah.

8:53am in the office. I see the whole field. I know How all the pieces fit together. my team to succeeds. I am the greatest leader of all time

I paid off the first debt I ran up two years ago. I still owe more for three years of being under employed. But it does feel good to get rid of something that was costing me interest.

11:56pm in bed. Feeling small and vulnerable. I always feel this way when I wake up in the middle of the night or morning

7:43am in the office. My focus is shifting from survival to navigating the ship. It is a subtle change. Like the audience situation. But the shift is helpful. I make decisions for profitability