Month: August 2021

Monday night

7:40pm Monday night. There was a knock on my door. I opened it to find my neighbor across the landing. He was a young Indian guy with thick glasses. He lived with his wife. The few times I ran into them we just exchanged quick hellos. “Excuse me, did you see someone deliver a package?” I told him I hadn’t. He looked vexed then asked if I would let him know if I did. I said, “Of course.” He turned and walked down the stairs to the parking area and disappeared from view.

Monday morning

5:52am Monday morning. There was no perfect existence. I did the best I could in any given circumstance. Whatever the case I remembered that time with fondness or I did not. If the moment was powerful the memories were haunting and pure. If the moment was not particularly good the memories were forgotten or seldom brought up.

Sunday evening

6:14pm Sunday evening, Arizona. Then I realized a truth. All my stress, all my sadness initiated from doubt. Doubt I was worth loving, doubt I could complete a work assignment, doubt I could win a competition. Doubt weighed me down like an anchor pulling my happiness to the abyss. I had always dealt with stress by trying to run away. When I couldn’t figure out how to escape I felt more stress. The answer was to not run away. To not doubt. Only I could choose to be confident in the face of adversity. Vanquish doubt and remove stress.

Sunday afternoon

12:56pm Sunday afternoon, Palm Desert. The marine layer chilled the air coming off the ocean. A took my jacket from the trunk and put it off then began walking. By the time we crested the hill I was hot, so I took the jacket off and carried it in my hand. My mind thought about past Sunday’s, and what I would rather be doing other than walking at that moment. I concluded there was nothing I would rather be doing, and there was no place I would rather be.

Saturday afternoon

4:53pm Saturday afternoon, Dana Point. Upon arriving in Orange County I stopped to grab my mail from the post office. Then I continued to my wife and daughters house. My daughter was excited to play a new game, my wife was finishing work before she left to run errands. I took the dog for a walk around the complex then returned to eat lunch. When I finished I felt tired, so I laid on the couch and took a nap.

Saturday morning

8:32am Saturday morning, Palm Desert. What did it matter in the end? Regardless of the life I lived I seldom if ever made a choice. Rather, events transpired, circumstances occurred and I was presented a new life to accept. I was never the force but rather the object acted upon. Unknown energy pushes me and I rationalize my fate.

Friday morning

5:39am Friday morning. I woke up early and decided to go for a run. I turned East then crossed the main road to the south. The unfamiliarity of the new route occupied my thoughts and kept me focused. When I tired I fell into a brisk walk then stretched for a half hour. I returned home but I wasn’t hungry so I just had coffee.