The energy of my youth

2:29pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Friday afternoon, February 4, 2022. The energy of my youth was passive, quiet and indulgent; Vast swaths of solitude peppered with sporadic adventure in a safe, familiar home. Happiness was being surrounded by family, thinking comforting thoughts and indulging familiar accoutrements. Now the world demands a different version of me. I am a father, a boss, an authority figure. I give direction, dictate adventure and provide safety. The child within no longer exists, I can not return to the energy of my youth.