I want your opinion!

5:41am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Thursday morning, March 31, 2022. I have been fiddling with the headline for this blog the last couple of days. Today I changed it to “an ongoing quest to overcome stress and live the best life possible.” That is the fifth iteration of the change. It might stick for a while. (What about “eradicate stress?”) Last Friday, I scheduled a post for Saturday morning instead of publishing it on the spot. The reason being I had been writing around this time (5:30am) and wanted to remain consistent. But I wonder if it matters? Does anyone care if they get a post at a specific time? Does consistency make you more likely to read? The other issue I am contemplating is having the time, date and place stamp at the beginning of each post. Personally, I like knowing the circumstances when something was written, but it comes with a price. The punch of the first line, which is really the only hook for someone to read, it compromised. Also, it is confusing on a post that is scheduled to publish later. I am working on solutions but, figured I would ask for your thoughts. Do you have any suggestions, comments, feelings (about these topics or others)? Anything you would like to see more of? Less of? I want your opinion! It means a lot that you take the time to subscribe, read, like and and share the content of this site. If I can make your experience more enjoyable please feel free to let me know. Thank you, Mike

I hate this job

Monday was filled with despair; threats of closing the site down, unfulfilled promises and constant haranguing about revenue left me drained. Perhaps I am getting too thin skinned to be in such a positions. For years I have worked at publicly traded, for profit organizations and constantly faced such demands. This seems more extreme. Then again, I don’t know if I dealt with it all that well in the past either. I hate this job.

Always ends up being wrong

Written 6:09pm, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Tuesday evening, March 29, 2022. The office will permanently close soon. Two tense meetings yesterday pointing out a “lack of viability” made that clear. What does it mean for me, my family, our future if this office closes? I could stay in Arizona, get a new job, see what next year looks like. I could look for a job in California like I planned, but last month I applied and interviewed for a job in Orange County and it wasn’t a great experience. I could pack everything up, go to Wyoming/Utah, be close to my mom (she will be 80 this year). I could try someplace new (Las Vegas?) I am frustrated. I can’t keep looking for-and taking- jobs I don’t have the talent or desire to do. I am caught in a vicious circle; my resume and financial needs keep me looking for executive jobs, and I am good enough to get them. But after a year (if not sooner) we are sick of each other and disappointed with the results. It is absurd. I need to make a change. There is creative energy that flows pure in my heart. I want to honor and pursue that. Where does it lead, if anywhere? Can I set ego and practicality aside? Am I selfish for wanting to change? No matter what the choice, it always ends up being wrong.

I have a fantasy about quitting my job

I have a fantasy about quitting my job. There would be no notice, no communication and no plan; just go in early, drop off my keys, box of my personal effects and leave a note behind. From there I would head west to Las Vegas through Lake Havasu and Bullhead City/Laughlin before staying the night in Henderson. It would be glorious. No stress, no worry, no overwhelming frustration. Just me on a new adventure, waking up in Nevada, going for a walk, working out and sipping coffee before getting back in my car and driving to Wyoming. I haven’t been to Wyoming in over a year. There I could relax, recharge my energy, get my head straight and truly replenish before making one last drive down the hill to Utah; the place of my happiest memories and greatest professional triumphs. The place where my energy flows strong and positive. There, I could reclaim what I have lost and be me again. I would have my power, my spirit and my energy in alignment and…then what would I do? The whole thing sounds great up to that point. Then I become uncertain. What is the last piece? What would I do that is meaningful, enjoyable and productive? The scenario is like a classic tile slide puzzle. I can move the squares around and even get most of the tiles in place but, I can never quite bring the entire picture together.

The flow of water reminds me

Written 5:52am, in my apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Monday morning, March 28, 2022. When I am stressed at work I evoke my creative spirit. With that, peaceful images of water flowing through my chest calms me. This is evolution. Previously, I sought solace in escape, nostalgia, or giving up; unproductive acts motivated by fear. Now I know, the path forward is creativity and, more importantly, community. For decades I did not interact with others that held similar interests, nor did I engage an audience. I remained alone, vacillating between a past I could no longer obtain, while lamenting a present I never enjoyed. But I can be happy, do something I am passionate about, all while working with motivated and inspiring people. I don’t need to waste another minute regretting my choices. The world holds a beautiful, new, glorious destiny, and everyday the flow of water reminds me.

Captaining this particular ship

5:47am, in parking lot, Laguna Niguel, California, Sunday morning, March 27, 2022. The dog and I are in the car outside a random office building in Laguna Niguel. We are killing time because the coffee shop up the street doesn’t open until 6am. It is so quiet at this time of day. The sky is dark, birds are singing and there aren’t any other people around. We are here because we got up earlier than usual this morning, which, in a way, was my fault. I fell asleep early, which made her last bathroom break just before 8pm. By 3:30am she whined to be let out of the kennel so I got up and got dressed for our morning walk. The fact is I was already awake at 3:30am because I was thinking about work. The month of April is going to suck. There is too much left undone, financials that look terrible and, in a couple of weeks, a mock survey which will create thousand more things to worry about. I am not giving up but, right now I am starting to feel, one way or the other, I won’t be captaining this particular ship very much longer.

What happened Saturday

5:30am, Sunday morning, March 27, 2022. Left Arizona at 5am Saturday morning and headed west. First stop, Blythe, California. After a quick bathroom break I was back on the road making good time. Just outside Palm Desert my daughters mom called. She is having issues with her car and needs to buy something new. She also needed toilet paper so I picked some up on the way into town. I made it to Dana Point at 11:30am. An hour later my daughter and I went to the post office to mail a package and pick up the mail. Then we got lunch and hit the mall, but we didn’t buy anything. Once we got home we started playing a video game and did that the rest of the night.

Doing what needs to be done

5:30am*, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Saturday morning, March 26, 2022. (This is the first time I am using the scheduled post option. Actual writing time is 6:30pm, Friday, March 25, 2022. If all goes well I should be on the road to Orange County by 5:30am tomorrow morning. But I wanted to schedule this post because I believe consistently delivering at a regular time, first thing in the morning, is beneficial to you, the reader. It sets clear expectations of when you will see a post from me and that creates more of a mutually beneficial connection between us. Or so I hope. Either way, you can definitely tell I went to sales training this week.) The sales manager came to my office yesterday afternoon to discuss our second quarter marketing plan. I blocked out one hour for the session, but it ended up lasting four. I didn’t want to spend that much time working on marketing but, there isn’t much choice anymore; revenue is down and financials must improve. So many people above and below us depend on this site to be successful. We can’t let them down. Personally, this represents a completely new level of understanding; prior to this, the only person I ever cared about was me. As a result, I repeatedly struggled as a leader, a husband and a parent. I never truly embraced any role with heightened responsibility because I was scared of failure. I shied away from commitment to avoid being rejected. I lived a life of constant upheaval, skipping out on dedication because of fear. Well, I am not scared any more. I accept the situation and will do what needs to be done to succeed.

So anything is possible

5:26am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Friday morning, March 25, 2022. The corporate training session ended yesterday at 3pm. Instead of going to the office I grabbed a couple beers on the way home, took a nap then watched basketball. The evening was relaxing. I got to call my mom (she was driving to Salt Lake City), see what is going on in the news and enjoy the games. Now it is time to bear down and catch up on work. There are so many tasks piled up I can’t get them all done right away. I will go into the office at 8am and get as much done as I can. At least it is Friday, so I only have to work one day before the weekend. Tomorrow I will go to Orange County and spend time with my daughter. We haven’t made any definitive plans but the weather will be nice so anything is possible.

Another morning tomorrow

5:29am, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Thursday morning, March 24, 2022. If everything about my time in Arizona was to end tomorrow I would miss mornings the most; going for a walk in the neighboring subdivision, listening to 80’s Hair metal and watching sports talk television while working out, then coming back to the apartment to catch the weather and drink coffee. What I do at my job is in many ways irrelevant to my memories. It is just something I do to take up 10 hours of time so I can get one step closer to another morning tomorrow.