How cruel I can be to myself

2:45pm, parking lot in Phoenix, Arizona, Tuesday afternoon, March 14, 2022. Just finished a work meeting across town this afternoon. When it was over I headed back to the office. The moment I was alone in my car I began savagely destroying everything about my “performance” with a brutal and relentless attack. Nothing was off limits; my appearance, my personality, the clothes I wore, what I said or didn’t say, how I felt, what was said to me or not said, how I perceived others opinion of me. I went over every single detail and came up with the worst possible outcome for each. Now I feel broken and small. It is amazing how cruel I can be to myself.