5:34am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Wednesday morning, March 23, 2022. Yesterday’s training ran right up to 5pm, followed by a team building dinner in Tempe. It was after 9pm when I finally walked in the door, got ready for bed and fell asleep. To conserve energy, I skipped this morning’s early walk and gym workout. The training resumes at 8am today, so no lazy morning routine like yesterday. My daughter called last night. I talked to her while at the restaurant waiting for our food order to be served. She hasn’t called or responded to texts lately so I was thankful to hear from her. She wanted to discuss anime and a new figurine she got. I have to admit, her excitement is contagious. She has me looking for figurines I want to buy for myself! I know I said this yesterday but, it is so nice to be out of the office and focusing on something, anything, else.
Month: March 2022
Good morning Phoenix
5:39am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Tuesday morning, March 22, 2022. The company is holding a three day sales training at a hotel by the airport in Phoenix this week. It starts this morning at 9:30am. They had a couple of extra spots available and offered them to directors. When I agreed to go I mistakenly thought it was just for one day. When I realized the truth I began to feel stress. Being out of the office three days would put me even further behind. But now that the time has arrived, I am grateful. Since the training starts later, my morning is not rushed. I am going to read a little longer, have an extra cup of coffee and listen to some music. It feels so good to know I don’t have to go to the office. My already late tasks may back up more but, a change in perspective is very much appreciated.
Not much going on, I got a haircut
6:02am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Monday morning, March 21, 2022. The drive to Arizona yesterday was exhausting. I left Orange County a quarter after eleven, stopped for gas and a quick haircut (the first in over two years, my daughters mom has been cutting my hair since March of 2020), then was on the road by noon. I noticed yesterday morning the East bound interstate was closed for construction around Glendale (Arizona) so I factored in extra drive time. However, about sixty miles from Phoenix, GPS started adding large chunks of time. Apparently, in addition to construction, a major accident was backing traffic up significantly. The result was a long, slow, detour through crowded industrial areas on the west side of Phoenix. By the time I walked in the door of the apartment at 6:30pm I was tired and cranky. I let everyone know I arrived safely before eating dinner and going to bed. Now it is time to get ready for another week of work.
Learning a hard lesson
7:04am, apartment in Dana Point, California, Sunday morning, March 20, 2022. The first talk of job cuts happened Friday afternoon. I called my supervisor regarding another matter but she brought up the hard truth instead. I understand. Things are not going well and there isn’t a quick fix on the horizon. The situation is beyond frustrating for everyone involved. I personally feel incapacitated, like watching a slow motion disaster unfold; I can see the horror happening, but am helpless to stop it. In the past, I focused on what that meant to me; loss of direct income, family instability, bruising of personal pride. But today is different. Today I feel I let down those that depend on the businesses success to care for their families and sustain households. It is a crushing weight to bear and I feel every ounce of it. I am learning a hard lesson; there is no nobility in failure. Merely trying is not enough. I need to get better, improve my skills, or I am of no value to anyone else.
At the height of our love
3:15pm, at a car wash in Laguna Hills, California, Saturday afternoon, March 19, 2022. My daughters mom was having a hard morning dealing with the chaos from last nights sleepover so when I got to Dana Point I took the girls to get drinks at the local coffee shop before getting lunch. After the friend went home my daughter and I came to the car wash for a long overdo vehicle cleaning. Once the car is done we will go to the apartment and watch anime the rest of the evening. Last night at the pet store the cashier complimented my tattoo. I was kind of surprised because no one has noticed it for a long time. So long that sometimes I forget it is there, even though it takes up all my upper arm. I didn’t think much of the exchange until today an employee at the coffee shop also complimented me on the tattoo. It has been over eleven years since I got it, a testament to the love the WIL and I shared so many years ago. This week has held many flashbacks of my time in Utah, none more powerful than remembering the WIL and who we were at the height of our love.
It probably doesn’t matter
8:02am, Blythe, California, Saturday morning, March 19, 2022. Stopped just across the state line to rest for a bit and grab a cup of coffee. This morning started slow. I overslept and was in a hurry to make up time. Unfortunately, I got even further behind because of heavy construction traffic outside Phoenix. All those factors, coupled with the start of daylight savings time, has me in a bad mood. I should really let it go though, we don’t have any plans, so it probably doesn’t matter.
If this is the end
8:43pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Friday night, March 18, 2022. My betta fish looks sick. I am not sure what is wrong but there seems to be an infection around her gills. I cleaned her tank earlier this evening, then went to the pet store and got a product purported to promote healing. Hopefully it works and she will be alright. I am emotionally attached to that fish. My daughter picked her out over Easter weekend last year. Since then, that fish has been my loyal housemate; eagerly greeting me when I get home from work, hoping for a couple of pinches of food before I settle in for dinner and swimming to the front of her tank every morning before I leave. She is such a part of my daily routine, I would be sad to lose her if this is the end.
Is that a threat?
5:16am, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Friday morning, March 18, 2022. I can’t calm my thoughts and the world feels sour. 99% of the problem has to do with census and referrals. “Operations review is at the end of the month, we need to show growth.” Is that a threat? To me? To my staff? What is going to happen and how long do we have to turn things around? I am so tired and need a vacation, but I don’t see how that is possible. There are no senior leaders on staff, systems still need to be implemented and lay offs loom as a real possibility. Not achieving budget is never good for job security. Cuts eventually will need to be made. No position is safe, and that very much includes my job as well.
Positive relationships (work)
1:29pm, office in Phoenix, Arizona, Thursday afternoon, March 17, 2022. Just got off a corporate conference call. Not a lot of new information was shared, but it was still good to hear updates from senior leadership. I had to rush to the office to make it in back in time. My marketing team set up an appointment to provide an educational lunch at a doctors office today. I would have had to cancel but because I didn’t have to set up or tear down I was able to attend and still make the call. The presentation at the doctors office went well, it should produce some positive relationships.
The beauty I have lost
4:27pm, office in Phoenix, Arizona, Wednesday afternoon, March 16, 2022. College basketball tournaments started this week. That makes me miss Utah. When we lived in Centerville I always took a week off of work to celebrate the beginning of spring. The turn of the season and the abundance of high quality basketball lifted my spirits and made me happy. It is such a beautiful time of year in Utah; wet, powerful storms blow across the mountains and leave gorgeous clouds draped against bright, blue skies. These days I don’t take time off like I used to, and I haven’t been to Utah in March since 2019. Becoming a father, losing touch with the WIL, and moving to Arizona has changed my priorities. Now I schedule my time off to coincide with my daughters spring break. I am not complaining, just remembering who I was. I am thankful for what I have gained over the years, while I still lament the beauty I have lost.
mikemeyer949 