2:45pm, parking lot in Phoenix, Arizona, Tuesday afternoon, March 14, 2022. Just finished a work meeting across town this afternoon. When it was over I headed back to the office. The moment I was alone in my car I began savagely destroying everything about my “performance” with a brutal and relentless attack. Nothing was off limits; my appearance, my personality, the clothes I wore, what I said or didn’t say, how I felt, what was said to me or not said, how I perceived others opinion of me. I went over every single detail and came up with the worst possible outcome for each. Now I feel broken and small. It is amazing how cruel I can be to myself.
Month: March 2022
If I wanted to spend my time marketing
5:53pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Monday evening, March 14, 2022. The day started with a tense marking meeting. The numbers aren’t where they should be, therefore, I spent my afternoon in the west valley, following up with old connections, trying to build lost business from last years sale. The meetings were positive, and potentially productive, but if I wanted to spend my time marketing, I would still have a marketing job.
A chaplain again
11:33am, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Sunday morning, March 13, 2022. In December of last year, I wrote about almost having to go out as a chaplain for work. In that instance one of the other spiritual counselors ended up taking call. However, since that time, our support services on-call rotation was disbanded. That meant when a patient died and the family requested spiritual care this morning, it was I who went out. The patient lived 50 miles north of me so by the time I got there the family had left, but I provided support to the community staff and offered prayer over the patients body until the mortuary arrived. The experience was profound for me. I need to get back to who I truly am.
Arizona weekend
3:03pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Saturday afternoon, March 12, 2022. This is the first weekend in Arizona since the beginning of February. Not much going on but that is alright. Having a weekend of relaxation and doing nothing feels wonderful. I tried a new coffee shop this morning then watched a little television before grocery shopping. Now I am lying on the couch looking for a good movie to watch. I might just take a nap. Not sure what to do tonight, if anything.
Weekend plans
6:22pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Friday evening, March 11, 2022. Today was better than yesterday, not as stressful. That said, the arrival of a quiet weekend is more than welcome. There is nothing on my agenda except a trip to a grocery store, and perhaps a casino. I don’t know. Gambling isn’t as fun as it used to be, but it is better than sitting at home all weekend.
That effing office
5:58pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Thursday night, March 10, 2022. Burn out is creeping into my soul. Work became chaotic at the beginning of the year and has remained that way ever since. I thought things would slow down, but they have not, and probably never will. I am so damn frustrated and I am beyond tired of going into that effing office everyday.
See how the year plays out
7:40pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Wednesday evening, March 9, 2022. After much thought and inner debate, I renewed my Arizona lease this afternoon. The choice was based on a number of factors; cost savings, lack of desire to move or change jobs, and perceived economic instability from current events.along those lines, my daughters mom told me the emergency plan is for the family to rendezvous at my apartment. That alone was enough to sway me but then she mentioned in California if you let your lease expire they can raise your rent to market rate, where if you renew there is a cap on the amount they are able to increase. I don’t know if that is true in Arizona, but in the end I made the decision to stay. Of course nothing is set in stone, so we will see how the year plays out.
Something better will come along
4:41pm, office, Phoenix, Arizona, Tuesday afternoon, March 8, 2022. I missed posting yesterday. That was disappointing because I usually post at least once a day. I got busy in the morning and feel asleep early last night so I missed doing my job. oh well, I can’t go back and change the past. Now I am in my office waiting for the new clinical director to pack up and leave. I hope she gets out soon, I want to go home. Today has been a busy, long, painful experience. We have process issues and I am getting tired of dealing with them. The recruiter contacted me about the Orange County job. They offered the job to someone else. Apparently, I was their second choice. I can’t say I am overly disappointed, the opportunity didn’t seem right. When I am ready, something better will come along.
Breaking news: Saturday recap
7:31am, Dana point, California, Sunday morning, March 6, 2022. The weather was cold and windy yesterday so the festivities in Dana Point were slightly muted. We got to the harbor around 1pm. There was no parking, so I dropped the girls off and circled back up the hill before walking down to meet them. By the time I got there they had walked to the other end of the harbor. I was a little put out but was thankful I (and they) got some much needed exercise. We ate a late lunch before going to the mall. We dropped my daughters friend off at 5:30pm and headed back to the apartment. As we walked up I realized I didn’t have a key and the door was locked. So we went back out to find my daughter’s mom, get the key and head home to take care of the dog. After that, we watched some television, read a little, then got ready for bed.
Saturday morning, March 5
9:37am, Dana Point, Saturday morning, March 5, 2022. I made good time on the drive this morning, no traffic. A couple of storm clouds threatened rain outside of Palm Desert, but nothing materialized. We are heading out to pick up a friend before going to the festival.
mikemeyer949 