Layoffs

5:42, pacific standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Thursday morning, May 12, 2022. Since this past weekend I have felt a unique sense of peace. Ironically, it is because I half-thought I would lose my job on Monday. The worksite has not been doing well for some time and, as the leader, responsibility ultimately falls on me. Hence, the stress of being relieved of my position is ever constant. To protect my psyche I began cataloguing possible benefits of not working; I could enjoy the trip back to Utah/Wyoming with my mom tomorrow, appreciate a relaxing week in Arizona when I return, then travel to Orange County, spend time with my daughter, and not rush back to a dreaded Monday. Those thoughts have buoyed me through the week. But, yesterday after work, the regional supervisor texted me and said she would be in the office this morning at 9am to layoff staff. I honestly don’t know if I will be one of the casualties. Either way, If I am let go or not, people I have worked with for over a year will lose their jobs today. And there is no amount of mental gymnastics I can do to make that situation feel good.