May 31, 2023, Wednesday evening, 7:45pm, pacific standard time, resort hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA. Getting up everyday for ten hours of work is hard. I usually don’t hit my stride until 9am. After that, I am leveled up and good to go. The problem is the moment the heat subsides my guard lets down and stress sets in. Like residual vapors from an overheated engine I can’t clear the system. My diaphragm clenches up and my throat burns with acid. It takes a long time to gear down and relax. Of course that is the moment an email, phone call, text cranks it all back up and starts the vicious circle once again.

May 30, 2023, Tuesday night, 7:07pm, pacific standard time, resort hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA. I feel guilty if I am not stressed. There is always something more to do. Always a task left undone. Always other people feeling overwhelmed. If I take time off, let my guard down or relax then I am not doing my part. So I keep driving myself into the ground, taking on more work and failing to rest. This is why I burn out, I don’t know how to set boundaries.

May 29, 2023, Monday night, 7:07pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA, Memorial Day. Walk and workout in the morning. Picked up breakfast with my daughter. Went to a movie with her, her friend and her mom in Laguna Niguel. Got back to Aliso Viejo at 4:30pm. The weather was cool so I walked the dog to the park and back. Now I am in Dana Point doing laundry then heading to bed.

May 28, 2023, Sunday night, 7:21pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Went for a walk and workout this morning. Spent time in Aliso Viejo with family. The weather in Orange County was cool and overcast so I was able to rake another walk with the dog in the afternoon. Later, my daughter and I picked up her friend up for a sleep over. We stopped by the store to buy snacks before heading home. Now I am in Dana Point reading and watching videos.

May 27, 2023, Saturday night, 10:05pm, Pacific Standard Time, apartment in Dana Point, California,USA. Work was busy today. The first day of a three holiday weekend, with most staff off and out of town. Not an ideal situation. Truth be told, it doesn’t matter. The Palm Desert branch as a whole is going through a transformational phase at the moment. Employees are leaving, checking out, and/or burning out. I understand. I am going through it myself. Thankfully, there is new staff starting the week after next and the new director is coming on board the following week. We also have a plan to address weeknight and weekend coverage. Of course, a plan doesn’t help right now. It is going to be stressful (even more so than usual) for a little while. Time to take a deep breath and remember, everything will be alright.

May 26, 2023, 7:13am, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. I am not going into the office this morning. I will do my morning calls from the hotel then head to Orange County. If I don’t set boundaries for myself no one will. Going into the office for two hours on Friday causes me stress, and it generally is not productive. The interview yesterday went alright. There are a couple things I could have articulated better but, overall it was fine. Fact is, they need me in the role more than I need the promotion. That is such a unique way to feel. Usually when I interview the desire for a steady paycheck supersedes all other concerns.

May 25, 2023, Thursday morning, 6:21am, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. The final interview for my new job is today at 11am. I am meeting with the district VP of operations and Human Resources. I wasn’t looking forward to the appointment. Things have been busy and stressful at work. However, I spent the morning preparing. Now I am eager for the interview. I wrote out my failures, my successes, times working with difficult people, my background, strengths, weaknesses, and leadership style. I feel confident and excited.

May 24, 2023, Wednesday morning, 6:46am, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. I am enjoying a rare time of being in the moment. Last night I felt stress but woke up at peace. The trick is to have something to look forward to. For the rest of the summer I am focusing on self-care. Plotting out time off, not staying at one site too long and not trying to fix everything all at once. I basically burned out two months ago and have been going on fumes. I need to take time to re-charge. I plan on staying at this job for the remainder of my daughters high school career. I need to find a way to pace myself for all our benefit.

May 23, 2023, Tuesday night, 6:51pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. Felt good this morning. Started planning days off for the summer. Labor Day, a two day trip back to Arizona, Fourth of July, then a week to visit mom in Wyoming with my daughter. I also announced to the Palm Desert team we hired a permanent replacement. Those things put together made the morning fun. Of course the work day was still exhausting. I am tired of the monotony. Memorial Day weekend can’t get here soon enough.

May 22, Monday night, 11:25pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. Walked the dog this morning, took my daughter to school, did payroll and ran meetings. I got out of Orange County at noon, drove to Bakersfield, Spent an hour in the office, checked in to the hotel, then grabbed dinner. My corporate credit card is maxed out. I have to see about getting a limit increase or I will be incurring expenses on my personal card.