August 31, 2023, Thursday night, 7:26pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. I need to find something like being the chaplain without actually going back to being a chaplain. Something that feels challenging yet balanced. Of course the let down after my chaplain career was excruciating. Maybe I should be careful what I ask for. This job is fine. It is terrifying and exhausting. That is why I like it. Feeling like everything could implode at any moment and the rush of adrenaline when it doesn’t. I must be a little sick in the head to keep doing this but I can’t really imagine anything else.

August 30, 2023, Wednesday evening, 7:09pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California,USA. The Bakersfield branch is quicksand; the more I struggle the worse it gets. It is making me and my clinical counterpart look bad. We both work hard yet we lose ground every day. It sucks. I can’t wait to get out of here. Today is the 21st anniversary of when I quit chewing tobacco. I always get nostalgic around this time because it is when we moved from wyoming to Southern California the first time. Tonight I ate subway for dinner and watched Office Space on HBO.

August 28-29, 2023, written Tuesday night, 7:43, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. Yesterday was a struggle. I made it to Bakersfield but had no energy. I zombied through work then slept until the last possible moment before work. The new Administrator started today. It is tiring to train someone but she will make my life easier, especially with Palm Desert being vacant again. I am staying in a new hotel this week, right behind the usual one. It is nice but, my room is by the stairwell and I hear everyone going up and down stairs. That and three people randomly decided to have a 40 minute conversation in the second floor hallway right outside my door. What the hell are they thinking? Not sure why they don’t go in their room or at least down to the lobby.

August 27, 2023, Sunday evening, 7:01pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I am not looking forward to this coming week. I am burned out. I don’t have the drive in my belly to continue on. But, I don’t know how to quit. I will go to Bakersfield and train the new director. I will figure out what needs to be done in Palm Desert. But more than anything I need to disengage for a month and reset. How get my groove again without quitting and changing jobs? I need that kind of reset without leaving everything I have built over the last year.

August 26, 2023, Saturday night, 11:31pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Went for a walk and workout this morning. Hung out with my daughter this afternoon. At 7:30pm I drove to Oceanside for a date. By the time I got there she was passed out from a day of drinking with friends. So I turned around and came back to Dana Point. I have been home drinking beer and watching Diners, Drive Inns, and Dives. For the remainder of the night.

August 25, 2023, Friday night, 7:10pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. The new director in Palm Desert quit this morning. 11 weeks into the job. Four of which were spent offsite shadowing me and other directors. He had a mentor more weeks than not. Nonetheless he said he got dumped in the position with no training. Said the training he received was more asking him what he needed rather than telling him what to do. I am upset but, I remind myself he is young, didn’t have much managerial experience and the job is demanding. Still, he barely lasted two months before looking for another job. I thought he had the fortitude to last through the rest of the year. Oh well, on to bigger, better things. Looks like I might be in Palm Desert more after all.

August 24, 2023, Thursday evening, 6:23pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California,USA. The director was back in the office today after two days off. That gave me time to do my job instead of covering for him. I really felt like the Area Director for the first time. Next week I go back to Bakersfield to meet with and train the new director. Personally, I am excited, all the leadership positions in my area will be filled. But I am nervous for the new hire. Bakersfield is a mess. We have a long way to go before it is running efficiently.

August 23,2023, Wednesday night, 6:53pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California,USA. Twenty five years ago was my last day in Paradise, California. I was an intern pastor at Paradise Lutheran church, just finishing up before heading home to Evanston, Wyoming to wait for my first ministerial call. I was 26 years old at the time. A whole lifetime has passed since then. Amazing how quickly it went. I look back and am grateful for the last 25 years. It hasn’t been perfect and I am far from saintly but it has been something. In the end I made the best decisions I could. I am thankful for those I met, the things I have done and the people I have lost. Heres to another 25 years and another lifetime to come.

August 22, 2023, Tuesday night, 7:21pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA. A lot of the staff was off today, which made it hard to do patient care. However, it gave me time to enjoy being in Palm Desert and have a bit of nostalgia. I will enjoy this week then it is back to Bakersfield. I got a tuna sandwich from Jersey mikes for dinner tonight. Then watched celebrity family feud. I also texted and FaceTimed with a new friend tonight. I am usually not available for such things but to tell the truth, I was bored. That is a result of not drinking much alcohol/beer this weekend. When I drink over the weekend it takes three or four days to get right. Now I have more energy. Ironically, perhaps too much energy, which makes me anxious. Oh well, better than feeling like shit all the time.

August 21, 2023, Monday evening, 6:52pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California,USA. I have been away from Palm Desert long enough that it feels nostalgic to return.. I am staying at the Fairfield Inn, had chipotle for dinner and stopped by the office for a couple hours this afternoon. It has been nice. Palm Desert is a good place for me. I appreciate its energy. Though getting here took effort today. I got all the way to Riverside when my GPS re-routed me south toward San Diego. Then, at Lake Elsinore, it turned me back north to Moreno Valley and the 60. From there I took I-10 to Palm Springs 111 and meandered to the hotel/office the rest of the way. Despite dire warnings I didn’t see standing water on the roads. There were places with lots of sand and tree debris but no flooding. In a week the temperature is supposed to be back to 110 degrees . If there is water I am sure it will be dried out by then.