September 20, 2023, Wednesday night, 7:43pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA . Had a presentation at 10:30am this morning. I was nervous but it turned out not to be that big of a deal. The anticipation was more stressful than the meeting. I looked at posts I wrote from last March this morning. Amazing how little has changed. I am still the same person with the same emotions. Obviously, that is true. What did I expect? Finally, today is my last day in Bakersfield for a while. I realized I won’t be back tomorrow, next week or perhaps even the week after that. I am supposed to take San Diego and Vista October 1, 2023. We will see if that happens. It doesn’t matter all that much. I feel overwhelmed. I keep saying something has to give but does it really? It is amazing how much torturous stress you can subject your body (and mind) to endure.

September 19, 2023, Tuesday night, 10:43pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. Working in the office was hard today. Being home and going to San Diego last week spoiled me. The day went alright at least. Had my usual morning anxiety, went to work anyway, tried to bargain and rationalize the stress away, failed, moped into the office at 7:40am, caught up on tasks associated with Bakersfield and disassociated my way to 5pm before eating dinner and going to bed. I won’t be back here for a while after tomorrow. Lots of things to do but only so much time to do them. Later this week I have to start worrying about all the things left undone in Palm Desert. I can only do so much. We will see how it all turns out.

September 18, 2023, Monday evening, 6:24pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. Two weeks ago I started doing an exercise called up/downs or burpees. You start by standing up, then bend down, put your hands on the ground, kick your legs back then forward and finally finish with a hand raised jump. I was doing 50 a day. They really helped my cardio, core and posture. But they were also causing me discomfort. Hours after exercise I would feel swelling in my pelvic area and chest. I am not sure if the source of irritation was the exertion or the movements but either way the irritation was too much to bear. I had to stop doing them. Years ago I discovered similar issues riding an upright stationary bike. I would feel painful swelling and constipation after riding. So much so that I stopped exercising on stationary bikes and haven’t rode one since. The issue with the bike wasn’t that big of a deal. I didn’t particularly enjoy that piece of equipment anyway. But the up/down circumstances are different. I hate giving up something I so recently discovered and enjoyed. It makes me feel old.

September 17, 2023, Sunday night, 7:03pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I am seeking a goal that doesn’t involve moving or changing jobs. What do I focus on for the upcoming year? September 1st is a rebirth day. What can I accomplish in the next 50 weeks? that answer will guide my happiness in the near future.

September 16, 2023, Saturday night, 11pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Stayed the night in Aliso Viejo. Woke up this morning and grabbed coffee. Went for a walk then stayed in most of the day. Family got back at 2pm. They were both tired. Talked with my daughters mom then took my daughter to grab dinner. I left at 4:30pm and came back to Dana Point. Been j bed more or less since then. The skies were grey all day which is always dispiriting.

September 15, 2023, Friday evening, 7:46pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA . I am in Aliso Viejo, dog sitting at my daughters moms apartment. They are at Universal Studios in Hollywood for Halloween Horror nights. I haven’t heard any updates yet, hope they are having a good time. The dog and I are just hanging out, but she is barking at every little sound so it is getting annoying. I talked to my mom on the phone this evening. We have a plan for Christmas. She is bringing her cat to California. That was a major sticking point. Now she seems more excited.

September 14, 2023, Thursday evening, 6:41pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Yesterday was my daughters dogs 4th birthday. In all the running around, picking my daughter up from school then going to the Halloween store we forgot to celebrate. Hard to believe she is that old already. Time goes fast. I worked from home today. It was nice being local. Picked my daughter up early from school. Some kind of drama took place but she didn’t say what and I didn’t press. Tomorrow her and her mom go to universal studios with friends. I am going to stay the night in Aliso Viejo and dog sit. Sounds like all of us will have a good time.

September 13, 2023, Wednesday night, 9:03pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. My counterpart, the person who hired me and has been with the company 14 years, announced her resignation today. Talking with her afterwards the main reason was travel. She doesn’t want to be on the road five days a week any more. I don’t blame her. It has been nice this week, staying close to home (San Diego), seeing my daughter (I picked her up from school this afternoon and we drove to the Spirit Halloween store in Huntington Beach this evening) and having personal time to workout and run errands. I enjoy the job for the most part and don’t mind the travel. Eventually the lifestyle will catch up with me and I will make a change. Until then it is business as usual. Keep plugging away and do the best I can.

September 12, 2023, Tuesday evening, 9:19pm, pacific standard time, hotel in San Diego, California,USA. Came to San Diego for a conference. Staying one night, then heading back to Orange County. Had dinner at Coasterra, which has Great view of downtown San Diego. Today is one of the rare days I feel relaxed. It is nice to not be in Bakersfield for a week. I am going to enjoy the rest of my time in Southern California and appreciate being close to home.

September 11, 2023, Monday night, 10:58pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I keep waking up at night realizing I didn’t write a post for the day. At least I am catching it in time. Better late than never. Mondays are difficult for me. I get emotionally exhausted contorting into the persona of a leader this job requires. At this point the stress isn’t worth the payoff. I can’t imagine working another 6 months at this job, let alone 6 years. Failing to sustain consistent employment is far more financially detrimental than diminished pay. I need to find more balance and steadiness. Side note; I have an issue with my left lower eyelid, it has been swollen the last couple of days. It isn’t so noticeable as it annoying. I wonder if it is related to the sneezing fits I keep having? Up until today I blamed allergens in the hotels but, I am not at a hotel tonight. Hopefully it is nothing.