November 30, 2023, 7:47pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield, California, USA. I hate feeling small and vulnerable. Yesterday, my supervisor sent me a 1:1 meeting invite for 8am today. That is fine, we have a lot to go over. But when it showed up on my calendar my initial thought was “something is wrong, I am in trouble.” I haven’t been able to relax since. My sleep was fitful and my mind is racing. I am vigilantly looking for signs of distress in every interaction. It is exhausting. I think I mentions this before but I am thin skinned. I avoid criticism at all costs because it feels so catastrophic. Oh well, either way it will start and end soon. Time to prepare. Update: 8:13am the reason my supervisor set up the 1:1 call was to let me know I got a promotion. I guess I got that one wrong.

November 29, 2023, Wednesday afternoon, 4:07pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield, California,USA. Today was as good as it gets. Not many meetings, no expectation to be somewhere. Just wake up, walk/exercise, drink coffee, read, watch the weather, play NYT games then head out. I have a “dream scenario” of driving to Phoenix and working as a PRN hospice chaplain. Today is on par with what that would be like. I am in Bakersfield but it is more nostalgia than necessity. I have some some things to go over with the Director tomorrow then I will head back to Orange County Friday morning. all in all a good day.

November 28, 2023, Tuesday morning, 6:02am, pacific standard time, hotel room in Hesperia, California, USA. My first time staying near the Apple Valley branch. It has been alright but I have noticed some quirks. First of all, the hotel is 20 minutes from the office. Much further than Palm Desert, and even Bakersfield. Second, the hotel gym layout is unique. The treadmills and elliptical machines face the workout area. Not unlike being on stage, conducting a performance while the audience watches and exercises. It is odd, I have never seen something like that in such a tight space. It didn’t matter today. I am feeling run down and did not workout this morning. I got up at 5am and have been reading. The third strange thing is they don’t have coffee in the lobby. I had to run to Starbucks down the road. The good news is on my way back I was overcome with a sense of security. That is why I decided to write a post early in the morning. I want to capture these moments when they occur since they are rare. I don’t know how long the feeling will last but it is nice to experience it, even for a moment. At least until the end of the year I am secure in my job, my family and my health.

November 27, 2023, Monday night, 7:04pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Hesperia, California,USA. Woke up around 1am this morning with a headache. I have taken medication all day but the pain persists. My daughter tested positive for Covid. I might have it as well. I don’t feel terrible but I don’t feel great. I drove to Apple Valley today and worked a little. Now I am at the hotel resting. I don’t have any meetings in the morning so I will sleep in and get try to recover. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. I have my dentist appointment in the afternoon.

November 26, 2023, Sunday evening, 6:06pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Got up at 3am this morning. Drank coffee, read some articles, played NYT games then went for a walk at 5am. Afterwards, I grabbed coffee and waited for the gym to open. The person with the key didn’t show up until almost 8am. When my workout was over I came home, showered and headed to Irvine urgent care. The infection seems to be back so I got antibiotics and gave blood for a PSA test. I also got a referral to a urologist. Later this morning I took my daughter to breakfast at Dunkin and lunch at Wendy’s before heading to Irvine to see a friend and back to Dana Point to start laundry. I grabbed sparkly water for my daughter at the Albertsons closest to my house then had enchiladas for dinner with her mom in Aliso Viejo. Now I am waiting for the laundry to dry before I turn in for the night.

Written November 26, 2023 Sunday morning, 7:30am, pacific standard time, for Saturday, November 25, 2023. Parking lot of gym in Laguna Niguel, California, USA. The highlight of the trip to Lompoc was going for a walk with my daughter and the dog on Friday morning. It was cold and dark and just us spending time together. Usually I walk alone, sometimes with the dog, but very rarely with someone else. I feel like I won’t have many opportunities like that as she gets older and more independent. Yesterday the trip back to Orange County was nice. We left early and decided to go into Solvang to get danish pastries. Then we stopped in buellton , Ventura and Culver City to go to the bathroom and get snacks. When we got home I took a nap with the dog, my daughter played with online friends and her mom went shopping. I headed back to Dana point late afternoon and spent the night talking to my mom and niece on the phone while watching television.

November 24, 2023, Friday night, 8:94pm, pacific standard time, house in Lompoc, California,USA. My daughter went on the walk with me this morning. 1.1 miles each way. It was cold and she didn’t bring a jacket so I let her borrow mine. I wore one of her grandma’s coats. It was pretty funny how unkept we looked as we went to the convenience store in the village to buy sparky water, gummy lifesavers and scratcher tickets. Especially with the dog in tow. After that we went to breakfast at the Budget Cafe, did some shopping and hung Christmas decorations.

November 23, 2023, thanksgiving, Thursday night, 9:04pm, house in Lompoc, California, USA. Drove to Lompoc this morning to spend thanksgiving with family. The drive was uneventful with no traffic. We stopped once in Calabasas and again in Buellton before arriving in Lompoc at 11am. Went for a walk this afternoon with the dog then ate dinner at 6pm. Afterwards we watched Let’s Make a Deal and The Masked Singer. Now it is time for bed and to get ready for tomorrow. I keep forgetting I am working tomorrow and have things to do.

November 22, 2023, Wednesday night, 7:29pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Got home late from the movie last night yet still got up early to workout and walk. That left me tired all day. Thankfully my meetings got canceled for the second day in a row. I didn’t have much to do other than put out some proverbial fires. I actually felt bored today. It reminded me of summer last year when I had three months off between jobs. I often said I wish I could bank some of those days and use them later. That must have been happened. If so, today was the day I used one of them. That makes me happy. Being bored provided perspective and makes me appreciate work.

November 21, 2023, Tuesday night, 5:54pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA. Most of my meetings today got canceled so it was an easy day. I did have a phone call with my bosses new boss. He seems like an alright guy to work with, but time will tell how it goes. It is always a little stressful when a new leader comes on board. Tonight I am going to see the new hunger games movie with a friend. It doesn’t start for another 40 minutes and is three hours long. It is going to be a long night.