June 5, 2024, Wednesday morning, 6:53am, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield, California,USA. Looking back at old posts from two years ago I mentioned taking a lower paying job and supplementing my income with PRN chaplain work. The full-time job never materialized so the plan was abandoned. But, I wonder where I would be had it worked out? Would I be happy? or at least happier? This job has been a blessing and i have enjoyed it in many ways. But it is also a grind that is wearing me out. I want to work two more years and make it to my daughters high school graduation. After that I would like to explore other opportunities, maybe find a novel approach like I considered two years ago.

June 4, 2024, Tuesday morning, 7:07am, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California,USA. Today I am remembering my dad, it is his birthday. He would be 83 this year. I am also thinking of mom. Today was their wedding anniversary. There are also thoughts of 1996. That year I was 24, a seminarian, and just starting my required unit of Clinical Pastoral Education at St. Mark’s Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah. But mostly I am remembering 2003. My first summer as a Hospice Chaplain in Ogden, Utah. This morning has been special. I have been able to completely immerse myself remembering that time. I recall how everything felt new, yet familiar. There was so much promise of the future. I was fixated on getting to the one year anniversary of moving to Valencia, California. I wanted the college football season to start so I could grab a coffee and cinnamon roll from Maverik and drive to Wendover, Nevada to bet on games. That summer it was just me and my dog, Tucker, living in Layton, working during the week then driving to Wyoming to spend the weekend with family. I hope for the remainder of this summer I can be lost in that memory. I am exhausted from focusing on current circumstances. I need a fresh perspective that can only come from being lost in the past.

June 3, 2024, Monday night, 7:44pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point,California, USA. Went to the dentist this afternoon to get fitted for a crown on my upper left tooth. A filling broke and instead of replacing it they are putting on a crown. This will be my fifth. I am not a fan of crowns. I doubt they are necessary, they cost five times as much as a filling and I have to wear a temp crown for three weeks that doesn’t fit well and won’t let me chew on that side of my mouth. Nothing is enjoyable to eat when you can’t chew how you usually do.

June 1,2, Saturday, Sunday afternoon, 1:31, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California,USA. Yesterday the family went to the butterfly sanctuary in Palos Verdes. I stayed home with the dog and watched an episode of American Rust on Amazon Prime. In the afternoon I met a friend for drinks at Las Brisas in Laguna Beach. When I got home o had frozen pizza LL for dinner and watched some hockey and diners drive ins and dives. This morning I took the Blue Lantern walk, got a haircut, worked out then took the dog on a full walk past the middle school and dog park. The fields were packed with people when we passed by. Looked like there was a big soccer tournament going on.