Too much freedom

August 26, 2024, Monday night, 6:37, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. This morning I realized two things. One, I changed my workout routine a while ago and I couldn’t recall why. I used to walk the dog, take my daughter to school then go to the gym. That gave me an extra hour of sleep. I believe the reason was because it made the late morning more hectic but still, that extra hour of sleep was nice. The Second thing I realized is the behavior I have on weekends is detrimental. I have too much freedom and alone time. That is a bad combination. For so long I lived with my daughter and her mom. Or just her mom before my daughter was born. Before the pregnancy I had alone time once every couple months when her mom would travel for work or see family. Those times disappeared with the baby. I mourned losing those moments because it pushed me out of balance. I wanted/needed an outlet for indulgence. When I was in Phoenix I regained some of that energy. I had alone time and freedom one weekend a month. That was good. I was happy. Now, living alone I have too much time to make bad decisions. I am back out of balance but to the opposite extreme. I don’t know how but I need to find balance again. This time finding social engagement that isn’t destructive. I have come full circle. I used to have too little freedom, now I have too much.