September 30, 2024, Monday afternoon, 4:49pm, pacific standard time, Home2Suites, Carlsbad, California, USA, room 104. Today started as usual, went for the Blue Lantern walk, worked out, took the dog for the full park wander about and then took my daughter to school and the dog to the vet. It was a stressful morning, so much happening at work; office closures, audits due, end of the quarter. Then at 11:30am, just as I was packing to travel to San Diego my boss called. My position was eliminated. I know longer work for the company. Just like that, two years and one and a half months done. I am still processing what happened. I have been laid off before. With those instances I had a slight idea it was happening. This was completely unexpected. I am cycling through the stages of loss; mostly Disbelief and anger. I need to decompress and regroup. The hotel in Carlsbad was already paid for so I came down for the night. Tomorrow I will plan next steps. Thankfully they gave me a generous severance so I have some time to be mindful of my next step.

September 29, 2024, Sunday morning, 8:22am, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Yesterday on my walk I came to a cul de sac on Chula Vista street. Chula Vista dead ends on both the north and south sides, with gated community entrances at each end. The north cul de sac is up at the top of a hill and at this time of year, is shrouded in fog most early mornings. Yesterday, as I approached the north cul de sac gate it began to open, even though there were no cars entering or exiting the area. “Strange,” I thought, “I have never seen the gate do that before.” I thought it was a little eerie but not too unusual. “Someone must have pushed a button and activated it. No big deal,” I said to myself. I continued on my walk. The path I take brings me down Selva road, back up La Plata and reconnects with Chula Vista on the other end. To get my steps in I go back up Chula Vista all the way back to the north gate. As I approached the entrance the gate opened again, even though I was the only person in the area. “It must be malfunctioning,” I hypothesized. Determined to find the truth I stopped walking, watched the gate fully open, then close. “Surely it will open again,” I said to myself, “a sensor must be broken. It has probably been opening and closing constantly and I just happen to see it when I am there.” However, as the gate closed it remained closed and never opened again. I was a little spooked and even told my daughter about it, half -jokingly as a early Halloween ghost story. Yet, this morning, something occurred that changed my mind. As I walked the same path. The gate did not open either time I came to the top of the cul de sac. I half forgot it happened and wrote the whole experience off as no big deal. Yet, as I was finishing up my walk down the hill I saw something interesting. Where Street of the Blue Lantern crosses Pacific Coast Highway, I glanced over at a construction zone. It took me a moment to realize what I was seeing. That wasn’t there yesterday,” I said silently in my mind, “I definitely would have noticed that!” There, on a piece of cardboard taped to a temporary fence was a hand written sign that read, “Mike I am up on Chula Vista.” I don’t know what it all means. The mystery remains. Now I am intrigued. Maybe there truly is more to the story.

September 28, 2024, Saturday night, 6:44pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I got smart with the second night of the music festival and moved my personal car to guest parking. That leaves a reserved spot open for my company car. Last night I didn’t get to park until 10:30pm. I didn’t mind waiting though. It gave me something to do other than hanging out in my apartment. I am tired of sitting on my couch, watching television. The last two Saturdays I have fasted, save for a protein bar post-workout in the morning. I am not fasting for any spiritual reason. Rather, the stomach issues I have been dealing with leave me without hunger pangs. I simply do not get hungry for food anymore. What is interesting is the lack of hunger has reduced my cravings for other things, namely alcohol and intimacy. I am not complaining about that. It is nice not to have to try filling a void. I don’t need any more junk, bad decisions or bad choices in my life.

September 27, 2024, Friday night, 8:09pm, pacific standard time, apartment complex parking lot, Dana Point, California, USA. Went over to my daughters mom’s house this evening to help decorate for Halloween. When I came home there weren’t any parking spaces at the complex because of Ohana festival at Doheny Beach. I am sitting in my car in the fire lane. I think a space will open up in a couple hours but not sure what to do until then.

September 26, 2024, Thursday afternoon, 1:38pm, pacific standard time, parking lot by my daughters school, Laguna Hills, California, USA. I got back in town just before 10am. My daughters mom called saying our daughter wanted to be picked up early from school and taken to urgent care for a minor issue. I told her I couldn’t get there until 2pm. I will grab her and take her to Irvine. I have a couple calls in the meantime but should be able to sit in on them while driving and waiting to see the doctor.

September 25, 2024, Wednesday evening, 5:31pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Carlsbad, California,USA. Went to the San Diego office early to beat traffic and catch up on some work. At 9:30am we had the meeting to announce the north county branch closure and subsequent merger back into the San Diego office. It went well, staff was understanding and positive. I have work I have to do on the back end to complete the process. Mostly clerical items. After that I will pack up the old office and be done.

September 24, 2024, Tuesday night, 6:08pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Carlsbad, California,USA. I am not sure how much longer I can go on Like this. I feel the level of commitment for this job has negatively effected my body. I am having stomach issues. When my stomach should growl it gets stuck high up and causes me discomfort. It all started seven months after i started this job and has increasingly got worse. The pain is right where I carry my stress, under my right rib. Maybe it is work stress or maybe it is totally unrelated. I need to bite the bullet and see a doctor to find out.

September 23, 2024, Monday night, 6:12pm, pacific standard time, Homewood Suites, room 336, Carlsbad, California,USA. At the hotel watching football. I decided not to go to the Vista office this afternoon. I needed to catch up on emails and other stuff so I came straight to the hotel. I will head in tomorrow and get ready for the rest of the week then.

September 22, 2024, Sunday evening, 6:50pm, pacific standard time, apartment parking lot, Dana Point, California, USA. Today was a good day existentially. I am accepting of my life situation. I know this job won’t last forever. I also know I can’t control when and how it will end. whatever May be will be. Just got home from dinner in Aliso Viejo with my daughter and her mom. They had steak and broccoli. I had broccoli, rice and avocado. This weekend I didn’t eat very much except protein bars in the morning after working out. It was nice to have a full meal tonight.

September 21, 2024, Saturday afternoon, 4:46pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Walked and worked out this morning then went and visited my daughter around 1pm. We drove to Dana Point from Aliso Viejo to get a couple California rolls from Zen Sushi. Back at her house I said good bye while she was on her computer. I was almost out the front door when she came out of her room to give me a hug. It was a small moment but also something really special.