October 6, 2023, Friday night, 6/35pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I woke up this morning at 3:30am. Went down to the hotel gym and worked out before getting gas and hitting the road at 7:30am. I made it to Dana Point just before 11am. After emails and phone calls I picked my daughter up from school, got her dinner, took the dog for a short walk then headed back home. It is early but I am going to turn in and read for a while. . I am still dealing with the infection and taking antibiotics. Sometimes it feels better, others times no change. hopefully it will clear up soon.

October 5, 2023, Thursday evening, 6:58pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield, California, USA. Spent the whole day working on a quality report. It was exhausting. And I still have 3 more to do before the end of the year and five due before survey window closes in February. The mock survey in Palm Desert ended today. The to do list is daunting. I will start working it next week but I am not looking forward to it. Today, I mentally accepted that my last career accomplishments will center around hospice operations. Something that doesn’t sound bad right on a stress free Thursday night. Check with me at the beginning of next week, it could all change. The only constant in my thought process is inconsistency.

October 4, 2023, Wednesday evening, 6:06pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Bakersfield, California, USA. Had down time at work today, which is rare. I am no longer the interim director in Bakersfield so I don’t do a lot of the day to day stuff. Not that I minded. It was nice to be bored. I am feeling a little tired tonight. Went to urgent care last night and found out I have an infection. I got antibiotics and started taking them right away. I feel better. Not sure if it is the medicine or wishful thinking. I will see how the week goes.

October 3, 2023, Tuesday morning, 6:35am, pacific standard time, hotel room in Palm Desert, California,USA. I am in the same situation I was a year and a half ago with my pervious job. The posts I write now sound similar to the ones I wrote in April of last year. Which makes for an interesting observation. My interaction with the role of hospice operations is a certain way no matter what job I have (this is my third, actually fourth). The same is true of being a chaplain, a sales manager or a sales person. Each of those periods in life held multiple positions and each was similar in experience. I realize going back to being a chaplain is rehashing a past already lived. If I don’t want to do operations any more that is fine but the path must be forward, not back. I don’t need to revisit questions that have already been answered.

October 2, 2023, Monday evening, 6:38pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Palm Desert, California,USA. The mock survey started in Palm Desert today. They started with employee files. Lots of issues uncovered, which isn’t surprising. The biggest issue is time. The branch needs resources to catch up. Hopefully the results of the survey will spur action. On another note, I interviewed and hired a nurse for Palm Desert. He will be a good addition. I anticipate it will be the largest California branch by the end of next year.

October 1, 2023, Sunday night, 8:55pm, pacific standard time, hotel room in Palm Desert, California,USA. Another good day coming to Palm Desert early. I don’t like cutting weekends short but driving on off days is relaxing. And being in Palm Desert Sunday afternoon is nice. It was a day of perfect balance. All people and places right where they ought to be. So often I spend time wishing I was somewhere else, doing something different. But this afternoon I was content to be exactly where I was. What a rare gift.

September 30, 2023, Saturday night, 8:06pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Went for a walk and workout this morning, then did laundry. I didn’t hear from my daughter until noon when her mom took her to get “breakfast.” I got a haircut then drove to Aliso Viejo to walk the dog but it started raining so I went grocery schooling instead, watched a movie and hung out in Dana Point all day. The Ohana festival is going on in Dana Point this weekend. Lots of traffic and energy. Everyone seems happy, even with inclement weather.

September 29, 2023, Friday night, 7:36pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Was able to walk and workout this morning before going to Aliso Viejo to spend the day with my daughter. She didn’t feel well enough to go to school but seems better now. That’s not really surprising. I am sure she had something going on, not sure it warranted missing a week of school. Oh well, I could be sterner with her but I didn’t feel like going to work either. After morning calls we grabbed breakfast and a little later, lunch. Otherwise we stayed home. It was overcast today. Not inspiring weather at all. I went and got a blood test around noon. I hope the results are favorable. I am tired of having to get them. I need to take better care of myself and not be so cavalier with my choices.

September 28, 2023, Thursday night, 9:21pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Slept in after a long night. Lots of patient issues in Bakersfield to address. I missed my walk and workout this morning. Headed to Aliso Viejo to spend the day with my daughter while her mom attended work meetings. My daughter stayed home from school because she wasn’t feeling well. I understand. I don’t feel well either. Tomorrow I am going to get blood drawn for testing, see what the issues are. I am also going to get up early to walk and workout before spending the day with my daughter again.

September 27, 2023, Wednesday morning, 7:09, pacific standard time, hotel room in Palm Desert, California, USA. Looking back on posts from the same time frame of my previous job (14 months in). They are similar. Like, exactly. I could have written them this week. It is disheartening to see no personal growth. I am burned out, overwhelmed, depressed and day dreaming about escape. I really thought this job would be different. But then again, when I was applying for jobs last summer I knew 15 months was probably the longest I could stick around. Hospice operations director is a relentlessly demanding position. I am not an outlier. Most people only make it this long.