July 25, 2023, Tuesday (written July 26, 1am), hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. I have to admit, I really like this job and enjoy the work. But, with all the problems in Bakersfield the chaos is wearing me down. It reminds me of a video game I played with my daughter not too long ago. In the game, the main character is pursued by a stalking entity. At one point there is a ring of spring locks that must be constantly tightened to keep out the bad guy. The task is monumentally frustrating. As each lock loosens it begins to blink red. If you do not tighten it the blinking grows faster until the red light remains on constantly. At that point, your character is captured, the game is over and you are forced to try again. I remember vividly the sense of panic trying to keep those locks tightened and the inevitable feeling of futility when I couldn’t succeed. Right now it feels all the locks are burning red in Bakersfield.

July 23-24, 2023, Monday evening, 6:24pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. Yesterday (Sunday), spent the day running errands and driving around with my daughter. Bought new workout shorts, vitamins and water. Also picked up sparkly water and chips. I have anxious all day today (Monday). There is a lot to do this week and my supervisor covers for me the week after next. Probably should have thought that through better. Having her cover causes anxiety. There are so many issues that won’t be resolved any time soon and I don’t need more scrutiny. I just wish I could look forward to Arizona and Las Vegas next week then our Wyoming/Utah trip after that without feeling worried. On a positive note: I found out I can pick up a newer fleet car in San Diego this weekend. I am excited about that.

July 22, 2023, Saturday night, 9:05pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. I woke up a little later than usual this morning. Didn’t feel like doing anything but managed to get a walk and workout in. The day went fast. I took my daughter and her friend to the new Barbie movie, picked them up, took her friend home, picked up a pizza and went back to Aliso Viejo. My daughter got her new computer so she was engrossed in that. I took the dog for a walk this evening before coming back to Dana Point. Now I am sipping beer watching John Prine and Godsmack videos on YouTube.

July 21, 2023, Friday night, 11:13pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Got out of Bakersfield shortly after 10am. Arrived in Aliso Viejo at 2:30pm. I had to stop and pick up a plunger for my daughter’s mom so I was a little bit later than usual. When I got to the apartment my daughter left to get something to eat and drive around. When we got back I worked until 5pm. By 6pm I was ready to head to Dana Point and unpack from the week but my daughter started making a meal delivery kit dinner. I decided to stay and help her. We had so much fun, talking and cooking. What made it so fun was the spontaneity. If we had planned such an activity it wouldn’t have been nearly as enjoyable. I am glad everything worked out. That moment was the highlight of my week.

July 20, 2023, Thursday afternoon, 12:14pm, pacific standard time, office in Bakersfield, California, USA. My old job in Phoenix was posted on LinkedIn this morning. Not sure how I feel about that. On one hand, there is a tinge of nostalgia. On the other, amazement they can afford a full time director. When I left the administrator in Mesa was covering both branches. The site changed names since I left. Maybe the new moniker facilitated growth. I have to admit it wounds my pride. Are they better off without me? Was I the one keeping them back? I am probably reading too much in to the situation. I am sure it isn’t as rosy as all that. Still, if I am honest, I didn’t think they would ever hire that role again.

July 19, 2023, Wednesday evening, 7:34pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. This morning on my way to work I had a break through that hinged on one question; what would be the ideal length of time to work? Previously, my answer was quantitative with specific years or a given age. All which implied there was someone I wanted to be yet refrained from becoming while I earned money. This morning my answer was more practical. “Ideally,” I thought, “I never stop working since it is always better to make money than not.” Whether that is true doesn’t matter. What matters is I subsequently rejected believing there was a better version of myself being denied. When I accepted the me of the moment the notion I wasn’t fulfilled disappeared. I am who I want to be right now. And I feel good about it.

July 18, 2023, Tuesday (written Wednesday morning, 4:02am, hotel gym in Bakersfield, California,USA. Yesterday was a day in the office. The weather is hot in Bakersfield, like everywhere in the southwest. The only time I left the office was early morning to buy snacks and water for the staff. This morning feels good. I can see my vacation starting soon. After next week I visit Arizona before driving to Las Vegas for a conference. I am curious to see Chandler again. I have not been there since moving in March. After that I go with my daughter and her friend to visit my mom in Wyoming for a week. I am excited for the trip. I am even more excited to not be in the Bakersfield (or any) office for a couple of weeks.

July 17, 2023, Monday night, 10:40pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. The computers went down at work today. Actually they have been down since Friday. While frustrating, it is actually kind of nice. No constant emails or demand for action. Everything has stopped. That provides me a rare chance to relax. Which is appreciated because Bakersfield is a mess. There is just too much to be done and I don’t have the bandwidth to touch it all. Without support I worry the branch will run me off like it has previous leaders. This is a critical juncture. I need to be able to articulate my assessment, develop a plan and marshal resources or I am going to drown.

July 15-16, Saturday/Sunday, 4:31pm, pacific standard time, Sunday afternoon, outdoor shopping center, Irvine, California, USA. Yesterday, my daughter and I went to In and Out burger at 9:45am. We tried to be the first order of the day. Alas, someone beat us to the drive in so, we were second. Last night, I drove to Temecula to meet a new friend. We had a good time. Talked about music and life. I didn’t get back to Dana Point until 1am. Too late to do a post even though I remembered. Today I took it easy and now my daughter is with some friends in Irvine. I am hanging out at the outdoor shopping center waiting for her. When we are done I will drop her off in Aliso Viejo and go back to Dana Point to do laundry. This weekend went by fast. I wish the weekday went as quick.

July 14, 2023, Friday night, 9:50pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. A friend/coworker texted me this morning at 7:30am, asking if I was in Bakersfield. I told her yes, but I planned on leaving at 10am. I said she should stop by the office and say, “Hi.” She replied she couldn’t, she was going to the hospital. Apparently she had a procedure being done that required a ride home. Since she just moved to Bakersfield and travels like I do, she doesn’t have a group of family or friends in the area. Since I was in town she reached out to me. Needless to say I offered to pick her up. However, by the time all was said and done I didn’t leave her house until after 1pm. On top of that, work was busy. I didn’t get out of Bakersfield until 4pm. When I arrived in Orange County at 8pm I took my daughter to Ulta beauty (second time in one week for me going to Ulta) and then baskin robbins for ice cream. Now I am home, in bed, ready to fall asleep and end this day once and for all.