June 23, 2023, Friday night, 10:45pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Went to the musical Six at the Segerstrom Center tonight. Great time. I knew most of the songs because my daughter plays them while we drive around. The highlight of the night was the very end. For most of the evening my daughter sat and watched the show passively, not showing much emotion or enthusiasm. Then, as the final song crescendoed and ended, she involuntarily burst into passionate clapping. That unbridled joy breaking through her muted teenage countenance will stay in my heart the rest of my life.

June 22, 2023, Thursday evening, 6:30pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. Went to target after work this evening. Such a simple thing but different. For a year I have finished work and picked up dinner without deviation. I still got dinner at the Wendy’s hamburger restaurant up the road but it was nice to change my routine, even slightly. This has been a long week. I am ready to get out of here tomorrow. I look forward to the weekend and not traveling on Monday.

June 21, 2023, Wednesday evening, 7:17pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. The news is about the submersible craft lost while visiting the Titanic wreckage. I ate Panda Express for dinner, watched wake forest/lsu in the college World Series and got sucked into checking work email and texts. I have been good about ignoring emails until arriving at the office otherwise. today was just a work day. Nothing too descriptive.

June 20, 2023, Tuesday night, 6:55pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. Made it through another Tuesday. Which is an accomplishment. These are the hardest days to ramp back up for a week in the office. Palm Desert is doing alright. Having the new director there brings the stress down. Bakersfield is a mess. The clinical team is not strong. I am required to develop skills and alter my priorities. That bothered me at first. However, now I see an opportunity to grow. That mindset change re-energizes me. I can embrace a challenge when I see value.

June 19, Monday evening, 7:21pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Bakersfield, California, USA. Drank beer on Friday night and have felt awful since. Same thing happened when I drank beer three weeks prior. It causes discomfort In my diaphragm that takes days to resolve. I know better than to keep doing something that causes distress but old habits die hard. Hopefully, when I wake up tomorrow all will be better. I think I will hold off drinking beer again for at least a couple weeks.

June 17/18, 2023, Saturday/Sunday, 12:41pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA, Father’s Day. Yesterday was a good day. The highlight was driving around in the evening with my daughter. We listened to music, picked up some items at the grocery store then got sandwiches before heading home. Today is Father’s Day. I worked out first thing then took the dog for a walk between coffee runs. My daughter and her mom bought donuts and gave me a nice cooler as a present. I am back in Dana Point, doing laundry and getting ready. We are going to have sushi for dinner.

June 16, 2023, Friday night, 7:22pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA. Today feels like the day my daughter became an adult. She wanted to go to the movie alone. It was a 3:45pm show at a local theater and it was an animated Disney movie. The situation seemed safe. Yet she didn’t come out when the movie ended at 5:30pm. My mind pictured worst case scenarios. I texted and called. Finally, she emerged 15 minutes later. I don’t know why she was late and I was too upset to ask. Last week her and her friend were cagey about buying stuff with my credit card and trying to hide it. On one hand I want to give her freedom to explore the world. But on the other hand I worry about the things she doesn’t realize can harm her.

June 15, 2023, Thursday night, 6:58pm, pacific standard time, hotel in palm Desert, California, USA. Fourth day in Palm Desert this week. I have been here since Sunday afternoon. I need to get the hell out of here. Today was non-stop drama from Bakersfield. While dealing with a busy Palm Desert branch, a welcome lunch for the new director, training the new director, presenting the quarterly quality metrics and reviewing the monthly operating report. Time to shut off my brain and not think about work for the rest of the night.

June 14, 2023, Wednesday night, 6:59pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA. The new administrator and I share the same first name. It was causing confusion when staff members needed something from him or me. To remedy the situation I suggested using the first initial of our last names. Instead, they have taken to calling him “New Mike” and me “Old Mike.” I am not sure I like that for a number of reasons. But, the monikers seem to have stuck so I guess I will roll with the situation and age old gracefully.

June 12, 2023, Tuesday morning, 6:37am, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California,USA. I am torn. The next three weeks present conflicting interests. First, I should be in Palm Desert training the new director. Second, I should be in Bakersfield since they don’t have a director. And lastly, I should take time off because I am absolutely burned out. After next week there are two interesting scenarios offering respite. A mid-week training in Reno, followed by the July 4th holiday. Both are opportunities (and reasons) not to travel to branches during that time. Of course both mean letting go and trusting things won’t fall apart without me. I need to stop being a stubborn moral masochist and relax, practice self-care and prioritize my own rejuvenation. Otherwise they will permanently be without me anyways.