Eventually all things are lost

6:41pm, mountain standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Sunday evening, January 22, 2023. There is a finite amount of time left in Arizona. I am struggling to say goodbye. I can’t stay but, letting go is difficult. A part of me exists here that doesn’t subsist anywhere else; waking up in my apartment, going for walks, exercising in the gym and drinking coffee while watching the weather. It is the best start to a morning I have ever experienced. Now the opportunities do those things are dwindling. Life is like that; you celebrate times and then let them go. It was just announced the minor league baseball team in Salt Lake City, Utah is moving to the suburbs. They are going to tear down the stadium in the area where I have watched games since I was nine years old. So many memories with my brother, my dad, my family exist in that ballpark. It is sad to see it go but, time marches on. Eventually all things fade and are lost. We have no choice but to enjoy them while we can and miss them when they are no longer here.

Smith’a Ballpark, Salt Lake City, Utah, photo by Erik Alberto/Axios

Upcoming move and a trip to Arizona

4:42pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Wednesday afternoon, January 11, 2023. I left the office early this afternoon but decided not to drive west. Instead, I am staying an extra night in Palm Desert before driving to Orange County tomorrow. I am taking the next two days off from work because my daughter’s school is hosting a film fest tomorrow night in the city of Orange and I don’t want to miss it. Then on Friday I am focusing solely on finding the right community for my upcoming move. I have narrowed down my choices and know the area I want to live. I need to determine the best community and lock it down. That way I can move my stuff back to California and establish residency again. On a side note; I think I will head to Arizona next weekend. It has been a while since I visited and to tell the truth, I kind of miss it.

Another conversation about divorce

6:58pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Monday night, January 9, 2023. Had another conversation last night with my daughter’s mom about officially ending our relationship and getting a divorce. At this point I am alright with it. We have known each other 25 years yet, we have been platonic for well over a decade now. While we get along and are friendly, we are not truly married. For the longest time the concept of divorce did not sit well with me. I couldn’t accept that what was once so beautiful could come to and end. But maybe we both just had to reach this place where we could honestly say it is over. I suppose we are at that place. Whatever the future holds it I look forward to it and embrace a brand new start.

Sunday, January 8, 2023

9:33pm, pacific standard time, apartment in Aliso Viejo, California, USA, Sunday night, January 8, 2022. Set up a new phone today. Making sure all of my apps and accounts are working properly as been a struggle but, so far no major problems. It has been a good day; went for the full walk in Dana Point this morning, took my daughter to lunch around noon, then did more apartment hunting in the evening. After two days I realize I will most likely end up in Rancho Santa Margarita rather than Lake Forest. It is still to be determined but I will know more at the end of the week. For now it is nice just to be making some progress.

Getting serious about the move

6:09pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday night, January 5, 2023. Time to start getting serious about the move to California. I need to establish residency for my drivers license renewal so I booked an apartment tour this coming Saturday in Lake Forest. I don’t know much about the area other than it seems nice and is close to my daughter and her mom without being too close. Besides, I won’t be there very often what with traveling for work and all. I can’t believe how much things have changed recently. Not even two years ago I knew nothing about Arizona or what job I would have. Now, that time is coming to an end.

Leave in the morning

5:35pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Thursday night, December 15, 2022. The plan was to return to Aliso Viejo tonight and leave for Salt Lake City in the morning. However, with everyone being sick, I decided to stay an extra night in Palm Desert and drive to Orange County early. So far I have not gotten sick but, I do feel a slight headache right now. Hopefully, it is from a change in weather and not because I have Covid.

Made me a little sad

3:16pm, mountain standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Sunday afternoon, December 4, 2022. It was still raining this morning when I woke up so I walked on a treadmill at the gym instead of exercising outside. Later, when it stopped raining, I went for a walk through the neighborhood. The skies have been grey this weekend, which is unusual for Arizona. The gloom makes me introspective. There are only a handful of weekends I will be here before permanently moving back to California. Yesterday, I stopped by the office to let them know I won’t be renewing my lease. I am glad I took care of that detail but, to tell you the truth, it made me a little sad.

Raining in Chandler, Arizona

12:03pm, mountain standard time, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, USA, Saturday afternoon, December 3, 2022. It is raining in Chandler, which is nice for a change. Usually it is glaringly sunny with barely a cloud to be seen. Of course, my plan was to run errands this morning, so it is a slight hindrance. But, I can wash clothes and get ready for next week while waiting for the storm to pass. I won’t be in Arizona again until after the new year. I need to make the best use of my time while I am here.

Big change nonetheless

4:45pm, pacific standard time, mall in Mission viejo, California, USA, Saturday afternoon, November 19, 2022. Stayed with my daughter and her mom last night in the Aliso Viejo apartment. It felt strange staying in a new city out here. The area is familiar yet, experiencing Orange County from a new perspective feels foreign. After eleven years in Dana Point certain perceptions and expectations had been cultivated. Now they are altered. Of course it is not as shocking as decamping to Arizona two years ago, but big change nonetheless.

Newspapers

6:46pm, pacific standard time, hotel in Palm Desert, California, USA, Wednesday night, November 16, 2022. The hotel where I am staying has newspapers at the front desk. I grab one every morning when I get my coffee. I forgot how much I enjoy reading news from such a medium, rather than always peering through my small, cracked, phone screen. However, I don’t think society will go back to printing newspapers in mass quantity ever again. Like so many things in life, they had their moment and now are slowly fading into obsolescence. That is alright. Best to remember how it once was rather than cling to what can never be again.