3:03pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Saturday afternoon, March 12, 2022. This is the first weekend in Arizona since the beginning of February. Not much going on but that is alright. Having a weekend of relaxation and doing nothing feels wonderful. I tried a new coffee shop this morning then watched a little television before grocery shopping. Now I am lying on the couch looking for a good movie to watch. I might just take a nap. Not sure what to do tonight, if anything.
Category: alone
Weekend plans
6:22pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Friday evening, March 11, 2022. Today was better than yesterday, not as stressful. That said, the arrival of a quiet weekend is more than welcome. There is nothing on my agenda except a trip to a grocery store, and perhaps a casino. I don’t know. Gambling isn’t as fun as it used to be, but it is better than sitting at home all weekend.
Depressed
5:57pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Wednesday evening, February 17, 2022. I have felt depressed the last week. Not sure if the depression is from work, uncertainty about the future or disappointment about a relationship ending.
Palm desert stop
7:42am Pacific time, Palm Desert, California, Saturday morning, February 12, 2022. Almost to Orange County, stopped to rest and get something to eat. Left Arizona at 5am mountain time and drove straight through. I made one quick stop outside Blythe but I will take more time in Palm Desert. My daughter had a friend stay over last night. They are usually pretty messy and loud in the morning so I am not in a particular hurry.
Turning in
7:18pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Friday night, February 11, 2022. I made tentative plans to go out tonight but cancelled to stay home instead. The amount of energy required to stay up and socialize was too great to exert. In the morning I leave for California so it is best to get to bed early.
Sunday afternoon
4:29pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Sunday afternoon, February 6, 2022. The walk this morning was cold but invigorating, followed by a decent workout session at the apartment complex gym. Later this afternoon a short drive cleared my mind before I took another walk. There is a new movie on one of the streaming services and pasta cooking inthe microwave. Bed time will be early tonight.
The energy of my youth
2:29pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Friday afternoon, February 4, 2022. The energy of my youth was passive, quiet and indulgent; Vast swaths of solitude peppered with sporadic adventure in a safe, familiar home. Happiness was being surrounded by family, thinking comforting thoughts and indulging familiar accoutrements. Now the world demands a different version of me. I am a father, a boss, an authority figure. I give direction, dictate adventure and provide safety. The child within no longer exists, I can not return to the energy of my youth.
Still under the weather
4:05pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Saturday afternoon, January 29, 2022. Today has been another lazy day. The cough abated slightly but fatigue is still present. Most of the afternoon and all of the morning was spent in bed preserving energy. Payroll must be completed tomorrow, followed by a busy work week.
I end up feeling empty
7:14pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Thursday night, January 20, 2022. Why do I watch people live life rather than actually have relationships? I sit on my couch, passively observing others compete, travel, converse, solve problems and face adversity while I do nothing. I am trapped in a vicious circle; Interacting with people physically drains me, yet watching them makes me feel emotionally vacant. I can’t win. Either way I end up feeling empty.
What I did today
4:56pm, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Sunday afternoon, January 16, 2022. I woke up at 5:30am, went for a walk, then came home to drink coffee and catch up on the news/weather. I lounged around until 2pm before working out at the apartment complex gym. After that I went grocery shopping. Now I am occasionally checking the football game and watching a show on Netflix.
mikemeyer949 