7:17am, pacific standard time, coffee shop in Los Angeles, California, USA, Tuesday morning, April 19, 2022, fifth day of vacation. Getting ready to go to an amusement park. We left early to avoid traffic, now we have to kill time before everything opens. 11:48am, we got in early and rode most of the big rides before the crowd grew too large. Now it is busy.
7:03am, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA, Monday morning, April 18, 2022, 4th day of vacation. Yesterday was a nice Easter Sunday. We went to the movies in the afternoon then met friends at a local park for a picnic. The movie was silly but, overall enjoyable. However, a part of me didn’t want to go on the picnic. There was no specific reason why I didn’t want to go just, sometimes, undefined anxiety makes it difficult for me to get to social events. Ironically, once I am there I relax and have a good time. The food was delicious at the picnic, we saw old friends and made new ones. After dinner an impromptu game of volleyball formed. We laughed and played until it got too dark to see.
2:09 am, pacific standard time, apartment in Dana Point, California, USA, Saturday morning, April 16, 2022, first day of vacation. A triage call from work woke me up at 1am. A patient was having an issue and our nurse was not picking up. I called the caregiver and the situation is managed. I tried multiple times to get a hold of the nurse as well. Thankfully, we have a new clinical manager to address things like this. The drive on Friday went well. No major issues or traffic.Getting out early in the day helped immensely. Saturday, April 17, 2022, Dana Point, California, USA, second day of vacation. Took care of some work issues in the morning, went and grabbed burgers in the afternoon with my daughter then, in the evening all three of us got caramel apples and went clothes shopping. 7:58am, in the apartment, Dana Point, California, USA, Easter Sunday morning, April 17, 2022, third day of vacation. The dog and I went for a walk, got coffee, then bought Easter lilies and cards for the girls.
5:18am, Friday morning, April 15, 2022, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, U.S.A. Today, after work, I am leaving for Southern California to take a much needed vacation. The trip will last 10 days, culminating with a return to Arizona next Sunday. It has been a long time since I had the feeling of truly “going home.” So long in fact that I didn’t believe it was possible to feel it ever again. But this morning on the walk, and sitting here preparing for the day, I am blessed to say that is what I am experiencing now.
5:50am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Monday morning, April 11, 2022. Not sure how or why, but last night a feeling of tranquility washed over me and has remained. I have been able to let go of stress and not focus on problems. I am going to work hard this week, enjoy time off with my daughter next week and take everything one day at a time. I talked with my mom last night. She is going to come visit the first part of May. I look forward to spending time with her.
12:14pm, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Saturday afternoon, April 9, 2022. One of the biggest sticking points about going back to being a chaplain was the question of where I would live? I couldn’t afford a place by myself on a Chaplain’s salary and living full time with my daughter’s mom (estranged wife) is not an option. But this morning on the walk I decided not to focus on barriers. I am going to be a chaplain again. If that means living with roommates then so be it. I will make it work. I have waited nine years to arrive at this point. The time has come to get back to who I truly am.
Written 5:52am, in my apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Monday morning, March 28, 2022. When I am stressed at work I evoke my creative spirit. With that, peaceful images of water flowing through my chest calms me. This is evolution. Previously, I sought solace in escape, nostalgia, or giving up; unproductive acts motivated by fear. Now I know, the path forward is creativity and, more importantly, community. For decades I did not interact with others that held similar interests, nor did I engage an audience. I remained alone, vacillating between a past I could no longer obtain, while lamenting a present I never enjoyed. But I can be happy, do something I am passionate about, all while working with motivated and inspiring people. I don’t need to waste another minute regretting my choices. The world holds a beautiful, new, glorious destiny, and everyday the flow of water reminds me.
5:26am, apartment in Chandler, Arizona, Friday morning, March 25, 2022. The corporate training session ended yesterday at 3pm. Instead of going to the office I grabbed a couple beers on the way home, took a nap then watched basketball. The evening was relaxing. I got to call my mom (she was driving to Salt Lake City), see what is going on in the news and enjoy the games. Now it is time to bear down and catch up on work. There are so many tasks piled up I can’t get them all done right away. I will go into the office at 8am and get as much done as I can. At least it is Friday, so I only have to work one day before the weekend. Tomorrow I will go to Orange County and spend time with my daughter. We haven’t made any definitive plans but the weather will be nice so anything is possible.
5:29am, apartment, Chandler, Arizona, Thursday morning, March 24, 2022. If everything about my time in Arizona was to end tomorrow I would miss mornings the most; going for a walk in the neighboring subdivision, listening to 80’s Hair metal and watching sports talk television while working out, then coming back to the apartment to catch the weather and drink coffee. What I do at my job is in many ways irrelevant to my memories. It is just something I do to take up 10 hours of time so I can get one step closer to another morning tomorrow.
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